1-13 in scarlet_dragon

I’m almost to end of the copying and pasting of Open Diary entries. I’m on last year. I think for my sanity I might just erase that entire year. It’s nothing but depression and bad memories. A lot of my entries are. I think I might just delete them all at some time but I’ve invested at least 15-20 hours on this project now so I’ll see it through. I think as a final goodbye I’ll delete it year by year and close the door myself before the page is gone for good. I know that seems melodramatic but it is what it is.
I’m having issues trying to read any of the at least 300-400 books I currently own. I have no desire to read any of them because my brain and heart just aren’t in it. In turn I need to stop buying them blindly at one random recommendation. I’m not reading and even if I was buying at the speed I am isn’t helpful.
The husband has a therapy appointment today he hasn’t been in probably well over 2-3 months now. It’s suppose to be a monthly thing. One got canceled, then he reschedule one then he also pushed back the next one because they wanted to do it the day before Christmas. Therapy always puts him in a funk and he didn’t want it ruining his holiday. So we shall see how he is this afternoon.
Ive been dealing with a medical issue and finally went to the ER yesterday because I have no general doctor at the moment. I need to fix that. That needs to be #1 on the top of the list but I keep pushing it off. I don’t know why. I have a lot of medical trauma and just general anxiety dealing with people on the phone. My husband always says do you need me to call and I would like him to but he has no idea about any of my information so then I just wind up taking the phone and I don’t know. I’ll probably try to call today when he’s out at his appointment. I find it easier to do these things when I’m by myself.
I did spend a good amount of time two days ago trying to make master to do lists on my computer so sometimes when something comes to mind I try and type it out there and then try to put it out of my mind so to speak. One of the tasks on there is to gather up all my paper notebooks and lists everywhere and go through them all put the information into this one master list and then get rid of all the extra bullshit. I don’t need 40 notebooks. As much as I love them all and find them all cute. I haven’t touched them they sit on the floor getting tripped over daily. They need dealt with and I need to stop bringing more in.
I actually do use the physical planner I buy every year and I would probably use at least 4 or 5 of them for regular notes or long term planning. But I don’t physically write in a journal anymore my hands just wouldn’t last more then a few words so yea that’s on the to do list.
My issue is I have all these busy work tasks that could probably take less then an hour anywhere from 20-45 mins but I put them off and put them off and it just keeps stacking up.
So I need to adult and get them knocked out.
SO with that I need to stop messing around on here and go at least get one thing done. I’ll ttyl.