I opened an account on another site..Wrote two entries then my husband told me about this site.
Here’s this first:
(originally posted November 28 2014)
Well…It’s been a long time since I’ve had a diary, online. For the past couple years I’ve just been using notebooks cause I couldn’t afford internet..or a computer.I actually met my husband, Alec, on one of these things. It was a site I was on since I was about 16, Opendiary.com. it’s closed down now and I do miss it but whatever. I’m starting a new one now. I need the social connection but I’m rather anti-social. I don’t like to go out. I don’t approach people if I don’t have to(but let me write down my thoughts and I’m not so weird). I’m just super awkward and shy…and I don’t like people. I don’t do well in crowds. I hate most human beings honestly. I’ve never been able to fit in with the normal people. My school years were hell, it’s amazing I graduated at all but that’s just cause I’m stubborn (I’m french Canadian and German…stubborn as a mule)If I want something I take it. No one will fucking stop me. Shit..I can already tell this entry is going to me nothing but jumbled thoughts. I also have ADHD which I found out cause Alec gave me a piece of his Ritalin and I was able to focus for once. Most of my entries are probably going to be like this, at least until I’m a bit more caught up on what’s going on in my life. So, right now,12:50am. I’m just sitting at home again, smoking a joint and writing. I’m going to get to my polymer clay crafts shit after I think…If I don’t pass out first. Alec and I didn’t get much sleep today but he’s back at work (Safeway, nightcrew)and I’m at home. His grandmother introduced me to this polymer clay stuff. A few months back she gave me paper clay to play with. It was hard to use but I was patient enough with it. But she gave me polymer clay last week and I made her a Tweety Bird(Alec said she likes him). She was so happy tonight when I gave him to her, she said it looked like a professional did it. Hehe, I thought that was sweet cause I still don’t think it looks like Tweety Bird. Anyway, She knows I like to create things…clothing, jewelery, accessories of whatever sort. I’m not good at much..I’m not sporty, I don’t have much for brains, I can’t sit and have an intellectual conversation with you, I can’t dance, I can’t sing, I’ve been learning to play guitar since I was a kid and I still suck at it.All in all, I don’t think very highly of myself. But when it comes to me creating things, coming up with neat ideas and interesting brainstorms, improvising to fix things. I’m like McGyver in that sense hehe. Well, apart from my fantastic work ethic. I like to do what my husband is doing, stock shelves in the dead of night. Without any humans around.. I’m short, tiny. 110 lbs, but no one works faster or harder than I do to get the job done. My lack of brain cells never helped me remember what products were needed and that always fucked me up, I always need lists, but I’m the fastest, hardest worker. (I’m reflecting on the Metro I worked at in Ottawa, before I moved here 8 months ago)I like to compete with the guys with physical strength..They’re way stronger that me because they’re guys, but they don’t work as hard as I do to get the job done.I MISS WORKING!! I can’t wait for this immigration crap to get sorted out. I need a job! Ive been really weak and low on energy lately..I hardly have motivation to keep myself awake at night anymore. When Alec and I were apart for 8 months, right after we got married, neither of us were getting sleep. We had 3 hours difference, both working..and we had to talk all day. In a week I’d get about 10 hours of sleep..I was falling asleep stocking shelves. I could hardly keep myself awake. But I always went into work. Not a lot of people can say that. Now that I’m here, I sleep too much. I try to keep myself awake but I’m bored out of my skull with this life. If I can’t work, I’m just not motivated. This life sucks right now. But Anyway, there’s a ton more I could say, trust me, I have way more on my mind, but I think I’m going to do some polymer clay stuff. Later, All -Wolfy11
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