I was having a decent day, until I wasn’t. I hate how one thing can cause me to real spiral out of control.
I guess if I’m being honest I was already feeling out of control lately. But it never fails around this time of the year with added stress something else will come up to completely throw me off track. I got two letters in the mail. Letting me know myself and my son’s doctor was gone from the practice any we need to find doctors elsewhere. I’m so fucking sick of this song and dance I have to do, I’ve had to do it at least 4 times now in 4 years. I get Covid ruined a lot of people wanting to be in the medical fiend and many are burnt out and had to take on 3 times the amount of work. loads but this is what happened now too with these big mega healthcare Co. So now I’m left without any medical doctor starting into the height of cold and flu season.
It is also when I really wanted to start focusing on my medical health more now. So I get the stress of having to call around and see if anyone will even take new patients and if they take our insurance. A task that I feel like will completely break me right now.
I’m stressed.
I’m burnt out and tired.
My brain is trying to juggle about 35 things right now and doing all of them terribly.
Like a few hours ago I was strolling the mall enjoying some time with my husband. Now I’ve got this shit burger to deal with.I”m not dealing with it today.
I also was one year into a 15 year copy and paste diary issue and now I can’t get OD to load.
I think I’m ready to just delete everything, throw out ever piece of everything I own and just scream in the woods.
I don’t know.
I’m having a meltdown and then the dryer dings letting me know it needs attention. I had wanted to get the tree decorated. I just need to take a breather. Trying to get everything else bought that needs to be for Christmas is what’s causing about 89% of the stress. To the point where it’s like why do I keep riding this ride?
Then I’ll feel guilty for feeling that way when I have so many few Christmases left where my kid will want to spend with us. So then that makes me blue and I try to not think about that.
I also have been having issues with Mercari lately. I had one person buy something I had gotten it packed up and printed the label to ship out and then they wanted the order canceled. Ok, fine. Annoyed I wasted ink on that. I then had someone else purchase something and within not even 20 mins they requested a cancellation. Ok now I’m getting angry. This happened over the span of a week…well I had someone offer me something on another thing I”m sell and I hit accept their offer and it failed because something on their end with payment. So now I’m like are people fucking with me or what?
It’s getting upsetting. I could have sold off 3 things by now but it seems like it might be the new trolling trend of people with nothing better to do with their time then mess with others. I’d really like to just list a bunch of stuff get most of it sold and then by the new year whatever has sat on there for years now just donate it and be done. The back and forth for what amounts to dollars after everyone takes their fees somedays just isn’t worth it.
I did just have a moment downstairs to calmly look at a few things and focus on them instead of giving into the spiral that I usually do. two days ago I tried to put in my blu ray copy of White Christmas to watch and couldn’t get it to work at all. There were no scratches or smudges on the disc. I put in another random blu ray and it worked fine. SO I figured my copy was messed up. somehow. I always watched White Christmas on Netflix but they took it off once Paramount decided to have their own streaming so I’ve had that copy many years and I don’t think ever used it. Anyways..I say all this to say that I ran a disc player cleaner disc in there and put White Christmas back in and it took a few seconds longer then some but it loaded up. So I might just watch it after I talk a walk after dinner. I usually FF through a few random parts because I’ve seen the movie probably 80 times in my life now because it was my Dad’s favorite and I usually only put it in to casually watch in memory of him.
Anywho..yea. I’ve had a moment to relax a little.
I do think the amount of stuff scattered throughout my house is starting to really bother me. It’s almost 98% mine. So I need to address the issue instead of just moving piles around and trying to shove things away in places. It isn’t working, obviously.
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