Always Something in scarlet_dragon

Struggle Bus is me. I feel like I’ve been on this ride for most of the year. I can’t seem to just buckle down and get the most basic things done that need it. Instead I fall into random games and time sinks. This included.
I’ve had go through my emails on my to do list for probably a good 5 years now. I have so much now that I doubt I’d ever be able to get through it all. Like old emails from school from when my kid was in elementary. They’re now in HS.
I need to just buy Christmas gifts and I can’t even do that. All it involves is hitting purchase online but I keep putting it off.
I do still have my two of my nephews to buy for which will probably just be sending them cash. Then my sister and my Mom and then my husband and son’s Christmas and Birthday. My husband was mentioning my son wanted a new switch. I’m like uh that’s like 500.00 a mini…I don’t know if I can swing that or not.
I’ll give it some thought but stuff needs bought now in order to get here in time.
I think I only need one more thing for my Mom and she should be done. I don’t know where I got into this head space that I need to get everyone at least 3 gifts at a minimum. I don’t know why I put so much pressure on myself over the holidays. I think a lot of this stress and inability to focus right now is because of this.
I’d like to enjoy this time but I’m left stressed out and not able to focus and agitated and there’s stuff everywhere and it’s all my mess. It’s all a cage of my own making. I need to fix it.
Like my hyper fixation is the need to get like 6 more books. I don’t need another damn book to save my life. But I can’t stop thinking about it. Not to mention I haven’t been able to focus on a book in at least 2 months now. Like why can’t I just stop thinking about it? I try redirecting my focus elsewhere but it’s always there in the back of my brain scratching. I hate it.
Anyways, negativity aside it’s my husband’s birthday today. Can’t believe he’s 49 this year. It’s also time where himself and his brother are the same age for a month. I baked him a Mello Yello cake yesterday and it’s about half gone today lol. I got him a few small things like Frankenstein and some German Christmas cookies and two DND miniatures. I feel like I wanted to get him more but I honestly think he doesn’t care one way or the other. We’re going to his favorite place for dinner tonight. It isn’t a dress up place so jeans and whatever is fine. It’s just a little more pricey than fast food.
My son had PT yesterday for his hip/leg. We assumed it was a one time appointment. Oh no that was to just assess him and they have 5 more appointments on the books now. There was also a problem with insurance so we shall see how this all plays out. I have a feeling it’s all going to hit end of the year or right before Christmas. It is what it is. Best to take care of it now and hopefully not give him lifelong issues.
Anyways I guess I should at least try to get something done here in the few hours I have left to myself.