46 (M). Married to my 40 (F) for 6 years, together for almost 12 years. We've struggled financially for the last 4 or 5 years. She quit working due to health and stress in 2023. She has been tested for numerous things and seen a handful of doctors and was never diagnosed with anything other than anxiety and depression. We have a household of 6, our youngest 9 (M), was diagnosed with ADHD and being tested for autism. They determined he isn't autistic and his behavior is primarily ADHD. I have been the only income since she quit working. I make around 50k a year. We've struggled. I surrendered my vehicle because we couldn't afford the payments. Had and still have no problem with that.
I've been fighting depression since my lay off in 2018. I worked for company for almost 15 years when it happened. I've since fought with suicide and ideation since. Currently going through therapy and multiple medication treatments.
I was placed on medical leave the middle July and have only been receiving 60% of my salary from short term disability. I've been over drafting my bank account and utilizing part advance apps to help keep food on the table, utilities from getting shut off, etc. They have all been getting paid back but, that leaves nothing each pay period. She is upset at me because of using those things and never really getting ahead of staying at water level. Im aware it's not ideal to do those things but, she isn't working and it's only me and I'm trying to keep my head above water.
We have gotten behind on other things, surrendered my vehicle and medical debt. We are currently filing chapter 7 bancruptcy and she doesn't understand how we've gotten to that point. Am I wrong for trying to find ways to provide and stay afloat? The lawyer looked at my wages and asked how are we surviving. I told him we aren't. I've never been great at money, I've been surviving.
I told her when I get released back to work I was going to look for a second job and she stated it she could get a job. I said that would help. I even told her I could get her hired at my employer, talked to my manager and let them know. My wife looked at what we had opened and I could tell she was getting aggravated. It's almost like she doesn't want to have to work. The house is a mess, granted I could do more as well.
Before we got together her ex husband made great money and she didn't really have to work. Even when they split he let her keep a debit card to his account and she used it for whether her and the kids needed or wanted. I think out of our 12 years together she may have only worked 3 years.
During our marriage i went back to school and got my degree and even accepted into a nursing program. I hag to drop due to how many hours i was having to work. I encouraged her to go back to school while she isn't working. She received her degree about almost 2 years ago and now just stays at home. Im not sure what to do. I feel like a failure everyday to her and myself. I never feel like i do enough. I want to give her an easy life. I have a hard time talking to her about anything because I don't want her to think of me as a bad person or weak. I tend to stay quiet and keep it inside to not burden her with anything but I feel like the things I do is causing me to lose or marriage.
Just needed to have a release.
Thank you
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