Saturday in scarlet_dragon

It’s been a long, crazy, emotional last month and a few weeks. Let me tell you. I kind of finally feel like I’m not just in survival mode. For all the issues and shit I had to work though things seem to be ok now.
My current issue is trying to get the house in order. As in organized and finally put away. Last weekend my husband’s friend decided last min he was stopping by to help us clean out the dryer vent. Well my laundry room is an absolute mess. Has been since about day 1. It just became a catch all for everything. Well I gathered it all into boxes and threw it in the garage which is also another mess. All of these messes are mine. No one else made the mess. Anyways now I messes everywhere.
I went out in the garage yesterday but got so stressed out I just walked away. I honestly just need an entire day or two days with no drama or other added bullshit in my life to just get it done. I need to invest in some storage just to organize a little better, but also just get rid of stuff too. I have projects sitting that I started and just abandoned after about 25% and so that needs dealt with too.
I’m just kinda tapped right now and don’t want to spend a ton for storage but it’s kind of needed to get things just finally put away in a home. I dunno. Bite the bullet and finally just be done.
I’m at that overwhelmed feeling of the month again. it happens like clockwork where everything will just start feeling like too much and causes an anxiety/panic attack. My brain is like I have to start thinking about upcoming birthday’s, anniversaries, holidays.. a new car, new car insurance, paying for a new driver as well on insurance. My mother’s surgery. Trying to decorate for the current holiday but when I’m at the store they are blasting Christmas music already. The yard work all needs done and finish finally. Cleaning the house, just keeping it going, paying for medical visits for my kid, needing to set up PT for him. Needing to set up therapy for me, doctors visits, medical. Getting a flu shot for myself and kid. Round and round and round I go.
Few days ago I got struck with a two day headache. Sinus involved I think. Was terrible. I feel like just laying on the couch and doing nothing when that happens. So sometimes when I don’t want to do things I do them anyways and tell myself that future me who will need a moment for their mental health and wellness will thank past me. So that’s what keeps me going.
My brain I think just can’t focus on doing and completing one task. Like just focus on cleaning up trash in the garage then sorting things, then figuring out what kind of storage I may or may not need. I need to not be so hard on myself either for maybe only doing one thing. It’s not a waste of time.
We shall see. This coming week I think there’s only one appointment for my husband on the books so I think I need to buckle down and get serious about finishing off some stuff here. Working on some of the to do list.
I think for me it really comes down to just not buying anymore stuff either. This time of the year is terrible for someone with my tendencies. I’ll get caught up in the deals, or the sights and sounds and everyone else spending like mad and just follow right along. I’m trying to be more concise with what Im buying for people. Like my teenager is getting a lot of not super fun stuff but important other things. Like car emergency kit etc. That kind of stuff. It’s hard during the holiday season to not want to buy things I’ve had my eye on that are on sale too.
The biggest one is books of course. I can’t seem to just knock it off. I have more than I could ever want or need and it’s not like I’m finishing one or two a week, I’m not. So it needs to stop.
I have a lot of “me” work to work on.