A few days ago I was sent to do my first archaeology dig as a “professional.” Well, as in, I get paid for the work I do, but I certainly don’t feel like I am a paid archaeologist. I can do the physical labor stuff just fine, but when it comes to mapping and plotting points on a map, I feel like an idiot. I suppose that’s how it goes when you’re new.
Another thing that has bothered me is that I can't really relate to my coworkers. They either talk about archaeology stuff that I know nothing about or work politics which I also am not a part of (thankfully). On top of that, all of these people have worked with each other before, so there's a close bond between them. A bond which I'm not a part of.
It's just strange because I never have felt this way with any previous jobs or coworkers that I've had. Perhaps there's a part of me in the back of my mind that finds it hard to believe that I have this sort of job.
There are times (quite often I unfortunately must admit) that I envision myself as being a different "me." More confident, less shy, less in my own head, caring less about what people think of me, etc... These are all traits that I wish I had, yet I always just pretend that one day I will magically have them, but I know that won't be true. Sometimes I wish I was a different person or given the chance to redo my life, but even if I could, I would fuck myself up again.
I always found our own brains to be an interesting topic of discussion. How we are our brains and how our brains are us. It keeps us alive, yet at the same time, can force itself to end us.
I'm getting off topic
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