Nojomo 23 in Nojomo 2014

If… Just if. Hmmmm.

If I could change one thing from the past, what would it be.

You know that I believe every journey we’ve been on, every experience that we’ve had makes us who we are and to change even the tiniest part of that journey would change who we are. So if I made that change where would I be?

Have you ever seen the movie The Butterfly Effect? I’ve only seen the directors cut, apparently the ending was considered too dark for mainstream cinema but I thought it was the only ending that could work for the story to truly finish. Anyway, each time he changes something, his life alters. Do I want my life to alter? I’m married to a bloke that I truly adore, I have two amazing kids and am doing a job that I enjoy.

There were choices in my life that I could have made. I could have gone to Ackworth School, a Quaker boarding school. Instead I chose the local grammar school. My life could be utterly different, I could have gone university and studied something totally different.

I could have gone to a different pub and not met the first bloke i married then I wouldn’t have known, absolutely, what I didn’t want in a soul mate.

Maybe I didn’t look at Yahoo Picks in November 1998, maybe i didn’t find open diary. Finding that site is what made the biggest, knowledgeable, difference to my life. I wouldn’t have had a lovely two hour Skype conversation with our own Bibotea last night, nor gone camping in August with ~mujer~. Rich and I may never have met (although in our hearts do believe that we would have found each other somehow) and everything that is my life wouldn’t be.

If I could change one thing, maybe I would go to the Christmas party that my parents were driving home from when they had the crash, perhaps I’d have told them to take the back route home. But there is a part of me that wouldn’t want to see Judith (dad’s wife) living alone for the rest of her life. But then I’d love to have my kids know nana Ann, they do ‘know’ her, but that’s not same.

Gah, what-ifs are evil little soul destroyers aren’t they?!

Talaia’s tablet fell on the floor last night and the screen cracked. Now the touch screen only works in one corner. To be fair, it’s life is crawling to an end anyway, and just before birthday and Christmas is a good time for it to go. But all her minecraft is on there, and she doesn’t online with it, so she’ll probably have start again. That happened to me with guilty secret, Subway Surfer. But it only took me nine weeks to get back to where I was - and that took nine months originally! I’m not sure if that’s impressive or sad, I’m wavering the side of sad....