I had been with this man for 5 months (6 this month) all through these 5 months there was little bits of abuse at a time, he bit right through my breast etc and when asked about it from police the night he left he had to confirm if it was consensual because apparently some women and men are into that not one to judge but i thought it was horrid being asked that. The night that he left we had a massive fight, bigger than any fight we had in the past, we both said some things that were bad on our part and i think it escalated the situation, i wont go into detail what he did to me but by the end of the night he left and stayed with his mother and father, rang to retrieve his medication and a stupid part of me wishes he had just hugged me when he did come back, i have an active ADVO that will sit with him for 2 years, but he also has a pre-exsisting AVO from his ex partner whom has his child which is suppose to conclude october 1st 2026. i know i should have taken that alone as a warning sign but this man had me floating, feeling like i was on top of the world, like nothing could hurt me, like he would never hurt me, at the end of the night i was left with bruises and cuts and i'm still finding more and more. i got in contact with his ex and she didn't recieve the physical abuse but she got the mental and emotional abuse. i read the satistics online this morning of the likley it is for an abuser/narcissist/liar to change and it was very low and i don't think id be able to put myself let alone my family through that again. i want him to change, i want him to be better, i made this man my safe place and my home and i just keep saying i want my home back, i want my safe person, but this is a trauma bond and this is now just my venting post. my room feels so empty with him gone as he lived with me, i never realised how much space he took in my house, in my room, in my life. i need advice i need guidance, im lost, im hurt, it feels like im falling apart without him and i know thats just because of the trauma bond but i miss him and i know there was never love from his side he just made it look like there was love and all ive ever wanted was to be loved, prioritised, needed, wanted, and i spent alot of that 4 months begging for that. i feel stupid, i feel used, i feel unloved, like nobody could ever love me again, i feel broken like i could never repair. all i want is this man and i cant have him because deep down he was never mine. i was just a home, a bed, hot meals, hot water, a toy, but i was never his. this court case could send him away for a really long time and i hate myself for ruining a mans life, but he shattered mine.
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