Dearest Universe,
Hey there! As you can see, I have switched to a new media outlet to speak to you! I love handwriting in journals but it was getting a bit too risky writing everything in there. Ill probably dispose of that journal if you don't mind. The people in my family is wayyyy to nosy to just have that around.And they are way too sensitive to be that snoopy and nosy. It is what it is. This site seems pretty cool and I love the customization options! The side panels match my akatsuki headers!
I bought some new plants here recently. A new Thai Con since the last one got root rot( I am still holding to the fact that it had that when I bought it).It did teach me to check the roots of all my new plants, though. THen i got me a mini monsters from Lowes. its soooo pretty . Oh and I got my first Hosta! I am very excited for that. Not to mention my avocado seeds are rooting very good and one is about to sprout! Thank you for all the love you have been sending to them Universe. it is much appreciated.
Its been stressful here at the house, at least for me. Everyone else is acting like nothing ever happened. I can pretend but on the inside my anxiety is nearly cosmic. I figured when I moved in here something like that was gonna happen. My gut was telling me it would but I felt like I had no choice. The living situation I was in before was not ok. My best friend and I were staying with her mom and stepdad after financial ruin on the other side of the US( the company we were working for stopped paying us for well over a month and a half. we had no savings because we were living check to check as is). Well, after we moved back down here, her stepdad was trying to get me to do sexual acts with him. He thought since I had no where else to go I would just do it. after months of turning him down I got scared and finally told and I ended up leaving and moving in with my sister.
When I moved in with her and her fiance and their kids, he asked that I just stay at home and help her with the house and kids, that I wouldn't need to work because he would provide everything. Sounds amazing, right?
Well, while I am so grateful for everything they have given me and I know I could never pay them back, I miss being financially free. Making my own money and going where ever I wanted and when.
I never wanted kids, still don't, so its a lot harder taking care of two, and another on the way. And not having a job, I don't have a car, so even if I wanted to leave and be on my own again, I cant. Not having a choice is killing me. Im nomadic at the deepest part of my soul and this is the longest ive ever stayed anywhere since graduation. And you know how it is in the south without a vehicle. No car, no job. I've applied to every job within a five mile radius( thats as far as I'm willing to walk each way to work) and no one has got back to me. I assume it is the lack of vehicle. They all asked about transportation in the applications. And again, it being the south, there is no public transport here.
I feel trapped and it breaks my heart that I feel like that here. But when they fight and wanna split up and go opposite ways, where does that leave me? The last time something like that happened I was homeless.
I have no car, no job, no money. And I was almost homeless again the other day.
I am trying my best Universe. Im not begging for assistance from you yet. I promise I'm trying to figure it out on my own. Its hard, though, but I'm trying.
Love Always,
Tarot-Girlie <3
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