Today, I feel intensely about sex. Yep, as a 27 year old virgin, not just a virgin., but someone who has contantly avoided exploring their body and sexuality, I very stupidly believed that virginity is a choice, and that I am a virgin BY CHOICE HAH!
I guess its true to some extent, I’ve been a gross little romantic, for as far as my memories take me back and was always in a relationship with somebody. A long-term, committed, relationship, but when it came to sex i knew it wasn’t what I wanted. Maybe it was the culture I grew up in, maybe it was being touched inappropiatly as a child by someone I trusted, maybe it was simply a overwhelming to do it, whatever it was I thought I had been waiting for the right time.
Cut to being 27 years old, after my 7 year long relationship failed due to long distance, I looked at my life and coveted for a hoe phase :) I am OH-SO-READY now to just go out and ✨explore✨, I’ll USE men first to figure out what I want, bye bye emotional connection and something serious. So hyped by my gal pals I go out in the dating pool, fairly quickly even find a guy I like and can trust? (maybe..), yeap this is it and this is someone I want to do it with.
My Vagina, does not open. My mind says im ready, my body said; No honey you are not. I look up online, it might be some form of vaginismus? I’m just too fucked up mentally to have sex! SO, now Im virgin, but not by choice. He doen’t fit, it wont go in, I have no words to express my disappointment, it’s something I laugh and cry over at the same time, this is the ultimate joke, Uno reverse the universe played, and I did not expect 😭
PS - I think I’m gonna ✨explore✨ therapy now
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