I do wish my weight loss progress was further along than where it is. I don't want to sound ungrateful, because I am very grateful for the weight I have lost. I just kind of wish I was already at my first goal for the Summer. I feel like I would feel a lot better about myself. Just from the amount of weight I have lost, I feel an increase in my self-esteem. But then I'm reminded that I'm technically still fat and people who see me just out and about would not notice the change in me. They would still see me as a fat women. I just wish I was a little more thinner for the Summer.
I am very grateful for the weight loss drug I'm taking. It's the only thing in my life that has been working. All those years of exercising and dieting and not seeing a change. I'm grateful I'm able to find something that I never thought would be possible for me. I was always feeling discouraged when other people I knew would make the slightest change to their lifestyle and lose pounds of weight in weeks. I would honestly feel jealous. I was so jealous of a friend of mine who lost probably close to 60-70 lbs in a year. I've always felt betrayed by my body. I don't want to necessarily use the word trauma, but being fat has had an impact in every area of my life. I made choices based off my weight. I missed out on a lot because the thought of my weight would over cloud my mind. I have anxiety when I eat anything and if it's off the healthy radar a bit I'm full of shame in myself. I felt like a disappointment in my family, especially when I was pretty much the only fat kid among my cousins and I was/is the fat sister. My weight has and still does control my life. It's all I constantly think about. So when I stepped on the scale and saw the numbers go down, I wanted to cry. I felt like all my body knew was to gain not lose. I never thought I'd see the pounds go down. Even now, after losing over 30lbs, I still can't believe it's real. I do deal with some side effects but I don't mind dealing with them if it's working.
I know there is a lot of negativity surrounding weight loss drugs, even within my own family (mom, sister, etc), which is why I haven't shared with anyone other than my husband and here that I'm on it. There haven't been many but when someone asks about my weight loss, I tell them I'm exercising more and watching what I eat, which is also true. I understand their are risks, as there is with any medication, but this has been the only thing that I discovered thar's working for me. Losing weight is helping me increase my self-esteem and like myself more. I believe I will be respected more and people will start taking me seriously.
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