Not happy turning 40 in Meaningful

Been a while. Checking in. Many fights, floods, drugs, emergencies, gas and chemical leaks, evacuations, suicides, missing and found people of all ages…. Too much to write now. Staying busy so I stop thinking about where I’m at in life at 40, haha. I don’t look it or feel it. Currently not happy though but moving forward, trying to keep the motivation to stay sober, nail down a recent ADHD diagnosis and the aderall…. Just never ends, not so I want it but to feel happy sober I think is my biggest issue. I can recognize accomplishments and see progress I’ve made, feelings of success when I help people or help prevent crime, but to enjoy time off doing fun things and activities, laugh till my stomach hurts, I have not yet sober. White knuckling it 4 1/2 years is a long time to wait to feel happy sober. Any ideas or comments please leave for me. I’m running out of ideas myself!