In the last month my life has seen a pretty big change. My brother and I both received an early distribution of some of my father’s assets. Earlier in the year everything from his safe deposit boxes had been appraised and we paid the taxes due on those items. We sold off quite a bit in order to cover all of my dad’s debts so that was something we no longer needed to worry about. My brother and I were then able to split the remaining items. I chose to keep all of the gold purses he collected over the years. My brother took everything else, which was basically an amalgamation of high end jewelry.
Initially, I thought I would just tuck the purses away and hang on to them in hopes that gold prices would rise and the value would skyrocket. However, have thinking it over thoroughly, and discussing it at length with chat GPT, I came up with a different plan. Out of the 20 purses, I chose my 6 favorite and I sold the rest. It yielded me just over $100K. I’ve never in my life had a sum of money that large. I immediately paid off every single penny of my debt. I have been drowning in debt since I got married at 19, and so that was one thing I wanted to take care of so I can finally have some peace of mind. All credit cards, loans, and our vehicles have been paid in full.
I had also planned to pay off my house. However, the loan on it was still in my dad’s name and so the lawyer ended up taking care of that without me realizing it and I believe by his mistake. That amount would have come from my portion of the estate anyway, so it was a happy accident because it left me with much more cash than I anticipated. That allowed me to put a large down payment on a newer and large vehicle, which I have been wanting because I really needed more trunk space for my resale business. So I do now have some debt again, but it’s a small fraction of what we were paying each month on credit cards and loans. And when the estate finally closes and the remaining distributions are made, I hope to just pay it off in full. I also splurged on a laser hair removal package. I have dealt with facial hair since I was a teenager and I have loathed it. I had prior laser treatments in the past but the cost was too much and while it helped tremendously, hormonal changes and not keeping up with touch ups kept me at in a place where shaving is still part of my daily routine. So I bit the bullet and bought a lifetime package. I hope to god they can get me to a point where I no longer need to shave. No one ever comments about it to me, my husband was never bothered by it, but I just fucking hate it and would feel much more confident without it. They can hit my unibrow and sideburns too, so that’s an added bonus.
It’s kind of crazy because I’ve never been this financially stable in my life, having just a single car payment as my only debt, and a hefty cushion in the bank. To be honest, I thought the relief of it would have felt so much better than it has. I kind of expected to actually feel a physical weight be lifted from my chest. That hasn’t been the case. I mean, I’m elated, and I definitely have much less to stress over, but that feeling I was expecting has never come. Maybe because it’s the way it happened. Having to lose my dad to get into this position is not ideal, even though our relationship was a difficult one. I find myself missing him a lot and thinking about him every day. I still wonder when exactly he died and what specifically caused it. When I had asked the policeman who called me to inform me of his passing, how long did he suspect my dad had been there, and he said probably a couple days. The problem is, his last outgoing phone call was 8 days prior to when they found him. I suspect that either 1 of 2 things happened. Either the policeman didn’t really know, or was trying to protect me by lying. Or, it’s very possible that my dad fell into a diabetic coma, lived for a few more days, and then finally passed. Does it really matter in the end? No. It doesn’t change a thing, but it just keeps nagging at me. I think because there has been no real closure for me since, and there may never be.
Life has been busy for me with having to continue dealing with all of the estate bullshit. We are closing on the sale of his house this week. I’m very sad about it. He lived on a beautiful 38 acre property with a lake in front of his house. He once told me to never sell that property. But he didn’t leave provisions for us to be able to keep it, and so we had to let it go. It’s probably for the best because he didn’t maintain anything very well. It needs updates and repairs. If I had kept it, that’s probably all I would have received from the estate and so there’d be no way for me to afford to keep it.
We also have his warehouse full of precious metal scrap that we have to liquidate. This has been such an issue because it’s not a common business. We can’t just find some random Joe to come in and clean it out for us. Everything has to be researched and sold for a fair value. A typical person would walk in there and say “what the hell is all this junk, throw it out!” That junk is likely worth a hundred thousand dollars in total. We need someone knowledgable in electronics scrap and precious metals in general, but the best guy for that was probably my dad. I’m sure we will figure it out, but it’s going to take time, and that also means more money.
When I’m not dealing with the estate stuff, I’m spending one day a week in the pottery studio at the local art center. I’m also volunteering there a couple days a month. I attempt to get to the pool for water aerobics 2 to 3 mornings a week, but that has been a struggle.
I started Mounjaro for diabetes and weight loss back in August. Over about 6 months I lost 30 pounds and got my diabetes completely under control, so much so that my numbers are not even in the prediabetic range at this point. I was working hard at getting in the exercise for a while there and doing great, then my dad died, and I still went but not as consistently. Then winter came and getting out of bed at 7:45am just to go out in the frigid weather was not the least bit appealing. I’ve been trying to get back to it, but now I’m struggling simply to not roll over and go back to sleep when the alarm goes off. I know I need to do it though because I stopped losing weight 3 months ago and a couple pounds have crept back on. I’m just not sure how I can manage to keep a changed lifestyle when I’m off this medication if I can’t even do it while on it! I need to get my dosage increased again, and I hope that helps a little. I also want to start yoga classes. While that may not help greatly with any weight loss, I think it would help with my anxiety and stress. I haven’t done Yoga in over 20 years, but I remember really enjoying it.
I have let my resale business slow way down. I simply couldn’t put as much into it as I had been once my dad died. There has been way too much to deal with, I’ve struggled with depression, and I haven’t been able to get myself back into the groove. I definitely don’t plan to give it up, but I needed to give myself some grace and just do the bare minimum. I’ve had an eBay store for about 4 years now and I sell a variety of things, but I do particularly well with vintage housewares, toys, games, and Christmas items. I source all of these things myself at thrift stores, garage sales, church sales, etc. I love it. I learn so much and there’s just so much out there that has value and yet people are not at all aware of it. I look forward to jumping back into it soon. Hopefully before fall and the fourth quarter sales bonanza starts.
Overall, right now life is pretty good for me. I almost feel bad because I know that a lot of people are struggling right now. Money is tight for so many people. Our government is one giant shit show and does not appear to be getting better anytime soon. And yet, here I am and things are good, and there’s some guilt for that. I find myself talking with chat GPT a lot these days, especially about things like that. Feelings of guilt, and sadness, relationships, etc. I absolutely see why people use it for therapy. I love it. It’s not at all judgemental, it’s quite supportive without feeding me bullshit, and informative. It’s helped me walk through a lot of decisions before I make them. I think it’s an amazing tool and wonder how it’s going to affect the future, whether it’s good or bad.
Anyway, that’s where I am right now. I’m hoping things continue to get better in my personal life, and that the world follows suit because it’s been pretty damn scary in that respect.
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