Dearest Sima,
Am I delusional? Maybe don’t answer that.
I consulted with the new doctor to discuss my lab work. I chose this medical practice because of its specialties, but I am not convinced yet that it’s the right place for me. I shared my concerns during our initial appointment that the root issue of my challenges is never taken seriously. What have I heard for all these years? Lose weight.
Brilliant! Why don’t I do that? Diet. Diet. Diet. Surgery. Diet. Diet. Diet. I am an expert on weight loss. I can tell you all about calorie deficits, micros, the importance of protein, and how many calories are in a Grande Pumpkin Creme Cold Brew. Something is happening on a deeper level. I want someone to take me seriously and help me discover what that “something” is!
I did what she asked, Sima. I tracked everything I ate/drank for two weeks. I presented my printed Excel worksheet (yes, I know…) with the complete list, including daily and weekly calorie totals. Instead of looking at those numbers, she looked at the first item on the worksheet and commented that there may be a better choice than the biscuit with gravy I listed. Seriously? Her preconceived judgment is stepping over her ability to see what is there. My total weekly calorie intake does not support the idea that I should maintain my current weight (or gain). By all means, let’s focus on one damn biscuit with a couple tablespoons of gravy. I’m sure that is precisely the issue! How idiotic of me.
When I expressed concern over a painful spot on my leg, she told me to stand up once an hour and buy thicker pants. Excuse me? You can see that I am struggling with mobility issues. That’s why I am there! I want to improve my life and regain my mobility. But of course, let me stand up once an hour. I’m sure that will fix everything, and the painful spot on my leg will magically vanish.
I was going to wait until our next visit, but I decided to write her a note so I don’t get sidetracked and lose critical points. I want to give her a chance, but I refuse to go back to not advocating for myself when it comes to my health. That’s part of what got me to this place—a lifetime of not asking questions and trusting medical professionals. I know you understand because you struggled with getting decent care. I am open to your thoughts on the matter.
Am I delusional? Feel free to answer.
Always, Greta
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