The first photo of me and Cosmo is from March 24, 2015 at the Eugene PetSmart where I volunteered. I saw him again at the shelter on April 4, 2015, and had him home by April 7th, 2015. That’s 3,932 days together - almost 11 years. Cosmo would have been 19 years old in April.
I used to volunteer at the shelter to get my cat-fix because soon after I started graduate school I had a boyfriend who was allergic to cats and thus I couldn’t get one of my own. After we broke up, I started keeping an eye out. Cosmo (Gus at the time) stood out to me because he was so incredibly friendly, affectionate, and loving. Plus, he had the loudest purr I had ever heard. He had been at the shelter awhile with not much interest. It took me a few weeks to decide I would put in an application. I was afraid of the responsibility and worried that I wouldn’t be a good caretaker of him, and I was unsure if he would be happy with me. After I submitted his application I somewhat waffled, and when I was out shopping for cat supplies, I got a call from a shelter employee asking me if I was serious. I said I was, and the adoption went through. Cosmo’s previous foster gave me a cat tree and some of his favorite things.
When I brought Cosmo home, he hid under my bed for about three days, only coming out at night for food and the litter box. One day I was lying in bed, and he suddenly jumped up on the bed. I was so startled that I jumped, which scared him away immediately. Eventually he got comfortable, and we’ve been in love ever since.
When I adopted Cosmo, I was a relatively inexperienced cat owner. I wasn’t sure how to play with him, and I thought he might like to be chased like a dog would. I quickly learned I was wrong!
One of my biggest cat mom guilts is the time I boarded Cosmo. I went on a trip to Minnesota and Chicago for around two or three weeks with my boyfriend at the time, Drew. I found a place where Cosmo could stay for that time. It was a sad little closet-sized room, and I had to pay for someone to pay attention to him for 30 mins a day. When I got back from my trip, he seemed so sad. After that, I always made sure he had a caring cat sitter at home. One time later on in my time in Eugene, after being away on a trip, a cat sitter told me that Cosmo could really use a friend. I took that really seriously, and eventually got Sophie, some fosters, and then finally Josie.
When I moved to Washington, I was so concerned about the car trip Cosmo would have to endure. I bought a big playpen and put it in the car, and got meds from the vet. Cosmo did great on the trip and slept the whole way. On other moves he was more defiant - both throwing up and pooping on car rides longer than 10 mins. Luckily, once he was in Kenmore, the longest trip he needed to make was 5 min down the road.
After I had moved to Washington, at a vet visit I learned that Cosmo’s teeth were rotting away. We got them all removed, he became a toothless man, and he was like a new cat. He went back to playing, having the zoomies, and being so happy and alive. I felt so sad and guilty that he was in pain for so long.
Cosmo LOVED being loved on. He (loudly) demanded cuddles and attention almost all the time. He wasn’t much of a lap cat, but he liked to wrap his body around my arm, and to lie on my chest, nuzzling his head into my chin. He adored belly rubs, and never once hissed, scratched, or bit me. He loved the brush, and in his younger years I could have brushed him endlessly. One time I decided to brush him as long as he wanted, and it went on for almost an hour! I put all the hair I removed into a little puff on his head. I have endless photos of us cuddling. He was so happy with me.
Whether it be attention or food, Cosmo was so spirited and loud in demanding what he wanted. I have had so many work calls, even important ones, where his meows could be heard in the background. More than once, I’ve had people ask me if there was a baby crying!
When I lived in Woodinville, I decided to get a kitten. I wasn’t sure how Cosmo would handle it. I kept him separated from Sophie for a bit, but she demanded to be let out of her quarantine. Cosmo was a bit afraid of her, and she hissed at him. But they quickly became fast friends.
I had foster kittens after Sophie died. They adored Cosmo and treated him like he was their mother - making biscuits on him and looking for a nipple. He was a bit annoyed by them, but let them cuddle him.
When I got Josie, I was told that she adored cats and would need a cat who would welcome her. Of course, Cosmo was the perfect guy for the job. When I got her home and finally introduced them, Cosmo was unphased by her, and was just excited to eat her food (non-diet food!). Josie immediately fell hard for him, and they had the most incredible cuddle sessions I’ve ever seen. (and the occasional wrestling match). Somehow, Cosmo was the dominant one despite being physically weaker. Josie followed him around and got so much comfort from his presence. For a long time she wouldn’t spend any time with me if Cosmo wasn’t around.
When I lived in Redmond, a vet told me Cosmo was a bit plump and that he should lose some weight to make his aging process easier. We went on a weight loss journey, and I got an automatic feeder for him. He used to sit in front of the feeder for hours waiting for the food to come out. I feel a bit guilty about that.
Cosmo first struggled with herpes, then skin allergies early on. For a while I was inconsistent with atopica because he didn’t need it all the time. Cosmo at some point grew a cyst on his side which had to be removed under anesthesia. Cosmo had a health emergency when one night (in Kenmore) I noticed his penis was sticking out. I went to the emergency vet and learned he was extremely constipated. They gave him an enema and got some out, but I still had to bring him to the vet the next day for more active treatment and another enema. The vet theorized that his allergies were likely playing into his GI distress, as well as age and arthritis. Then he got high blood pressure and kidney disease. Finally, he was throwing up a bunch and would only eat Fancy Feast chicken gravy food. I gave him medicine two times a day for something like two years. He didn’t like it, and it broke my heart when he would sometimes run away from me to avoid it. Still, we fell into a rhythm where he tolerated his medicine and I went to great lengths to figure out how to get it all inside him. I feel guilty that I had some caregiver burnout near the end, and I worry about how all the medicine damaged our relationship. I felt he didn’t find as much comfort in me as he used to, but maybe that was just part of him aging and not feeling well in general.
Deciding to let him go was one of the hardest decisions of my life. Usually I am a very decisive person, but this was hard for me to accept. I couldn’t see clearly whether he should continue to live or not. In the end, Cosmo barely found any comfort in affection. Where he used to love nothing more than to be cuddled, he withdrew and wanted to spend almost all of his time alone, not being touched. I do not feel that I waited too long. His death was simple and peaceful. Sasha and I spent around 90 minutes before the vet came sitting near him while he slept. When she arrived, he decided to go downstairs to eat a final meal, and sat in the bed in front of the fireplace. Sasha and I petted him and he had one last loud purr of joy and comfort. The pain medicine was administered and he relaxed, and then he was put to sleep and passed peacefully.
Josie stayed in her pink house even when the vet came, and only left to hide downstairs when he was gone. I brought him down to see her and even left for a bit, but she didn’t seem interested. Maybe she already knew. She has been sniffing around a bit, but she is spending time with me now and I hope she will be OK.
Cosmo loved everyone he met - human or otherwise. He was kind to everyone, and just wanted their affection. He purred at the vet, purred for cat sitters, and purred any time he was touched.
I lost my soul cat today and the most perfect cat I’ve ever known. Cosmo, named because of Cosmo Kramer. A loving, fearless, bold, amazing cat. He brought me so much joy and companionship, and taught me so much about cats, love, caregiving, and loss.
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