Again in Walking away and into the New

Nobody is able to talk and I’m not okay :( I’ve been impulsive in hypomanic ways before-but this feels like Kara’s work. In doing what is likely right for me, I’m truly hurting someone else. I didn’t mean to kick him when he’s down, but I can’t solve his problems. I can’t do that again. I can’t always give of myself not knowing if they’ll pay me back or be kind like that to me in the future. I can’t keep bending over backwards. I can’t keep allowing a deficit in my emotional needs in a relationship. He’s not in a good place and I ended it for different reasons. I know myself. I will give EVERYTHING until I have nothing left. And this time, part of me is disallowing it. Now he has more evidence collected as to why he should not share his vulnerabilities, he said. It reminds me so much of T. I feel so guilty and mean…he was doing laundry over here…mom was watching his dog and can’t do that anymore since she’ll be fostering…he doesn’t have transportation…this is a tough time of year…he doesn’t have a lot of support…I’m a monster :( But it’s stressful and it’s lonely and I need stability and consistency and someone to give to me for a change. I’m leaving someone high and dry. I offered to be supportive as a friend, but I don’t think he’ll allow that. I just need to go to bad before I hurt myself…This is the after from before…and it doesn’t feel good. The tarot cards indicated this was not something I should do by two sources. But how could I not? My fiend just told me I did the right thing…I don’t know what to think. I just need to go to bed. :(