Lost?! in Clarity!

I find myself lately crying and I am not sure why! What could have been, What I lost, what I am missing, what could be better, etc. I ponder and ponder what it could be… is it because my ex has a new GF or that I havent found the one to replace him or that I cant find where I fit in the puzzle. I feel more lost than ever. I have the option of 2 men who love me: one who is trying to become a better man for me and the other who has it all and whats to give me the world. Yet I find myself everyday wondering and comparing them to the “one that got way”. Even though I know in my heart that he wasnt. Only I know the truth of who he was and it was the typical story. At the first it felt like prince charming and slowly I became more and more stuck. until the only way out was when he choose to leave. I dont know if its the fact that I almost had a family with him or that I am bonded by what he used to be. Those few blissful months of happiness before he played his cards. Or maybe I am just sad that someone else is getting the treatment I deserved or am I afraid for her. Afraid that I know how her story will turn out. I used to be strong and to everyones knowledge I still am but sometimes I wish people did not believe that. It would make it easier to have people think I am weak. Weak people tend to get the love and care while strong people are ignored and alone. For once I want to be cared for by someone other than myself. As I write this I cry again at the though of how my life could be different if I just wasnt …ME!