What about me? in When Will It All End

I think I actually heard a snap in my head as I felt myself breaking.
I lost my son a couple months ago in an accident. I haven’t been coping well at all. He was my first born and only child for 6 years.
I’ve been trying all the things my Drs suggest to try to help me through this but nothing seems to help.
One thing that absolutely makes everything worse is my mother. She’s an alcoholic. She LOVES attention. She is the most selfish, self centered, narcissist I’ve ever known, yet loves to tell everyone she’s an empath and feels everyone’s pain and just has to help others because she can’t stand to see others struggling. What she actually means is that she wants me to handle the situation for someone and then let her take the credit. Nothing has ever pushed me over the edge like what she has done since my son died.
First, she immediately went to social media to post that she had just lost her grandson and RIP V before anyone else in the family was told. My husband and 2 of my other children had not even been told the news yet. They were out when I received the news. I was trying to reach them and hadn’t been able to yet.
To say I was a mess and not coping is a complete understatement. My Dr sent the county deputies to my home in fear of what I may do to myself. I completely shut down. I couldn’t respond to anyone or be around anyone with the exception of my husband and kids. This set off the first snap and the most unbelievable statement I have ever heard. My mom decided that she was angry that I was not concerned about her and not helping her and not giving her what she needed. She came into my bedroom (drunk) and proceeded to tell me all about what she needed and that she didn’t feel like she was getting that from anyone and nobody seemed to care about her.
She looked me dead in the face and yells to me “what about me?”
My first thought was, did she really just say that to me? Who approaches a mother that just lost a child and yells at them something like that? Who would ever say anything like that ever to a grieving mother?
She didn’t have a super close relationship with my son. She had been to his home 1 time ever. She rode there with me.
My mom has always had this thing about her that if you call her out on something she immediately goes to the extreme and cries to everyone that nobody loves her and nobody wants her around and she’s just going to kill herself. Because of this my siblings and I have got to a point that we just ignore the shit she does and vent to each other instead of calling her out.
No matter how bad I wanted to flip out on her that day in my bedroom, I didn’t. Less than a week later she says it to me again in my home that was filled with people. Right in front of everyone. Nobody even knew what to say and they were in total shock at the way she was acting. Thankfully some of the family got her out of here and took her home.
That’s not even the worst of it.
She has a morbid curiosity to know every detail of my sons accident. My other son was driving behind him when the accident happened. He seen it all. He was there with him knowing he was already gone until first responders arrived on scene. She seems to think that it’s ok to get sloppy drunk and hound the hell out of my son S to tell her everything that he saw. She wants to know where his body was and what shape he was in and where he was bleeding from....all of it. Then she goes to EVERYONE and tells them anything she learned about it....including me. I already know all the details. I don’t need her reminding me of them.
Almost every day since his accident I have had to listen to her talk about the last moments of his life and her wondering what he was thinking and feeling. Once again, who does this?? Especially to a grieving mother.
She took the pictures I had of his car from the accident and decided to share them with every one she came in contact with.
My sisters have worked really hard at running interference with her and trying to keep her under control but they can’t be here all the time. A couple weeks ago she caught me at home by myself. She brought it all up again. She then compared it to another accident that had recently happened in our area. The driver survived for a couple days before passing. She decided to tell me I was lucky that I didn’t have to go through that and be given any false hope.
I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I told her just what I thought about it and how I most definitely would have preferred having that time with him in the hospital and been able to hug his warm body goodbye instead of his cold one. I told her he was an organ doner and I would have loved to have had a piece of him out there giving another family more time with their loved one. She decided this would be a good time to tell me what my sons organs probably looked like after his accident....in detail. She has no idea. She has no idea what shape he was in. This is only what she has conjured up in her mind. I told her I was done. I couldn’t do this anymore and it had to stop. I told her I can’t have these images put back into my head every day of my life and ever be able to get through this.
Off she went whining and crying about nobody wants her around and how nobody cares about what she needs for HER closure.
Today she struck again. I shut her down before she could get started. I’m not as sedated now as I have been so I was much quicker and letting her know that I couldn’t talk about it. She says ok then proceeds to just tell me a little…I told her to stop. She tells me she doesn’t know how to “handle” me anymore. I told her I didn’t need handled and that nobody can help me. Now we’re back to suicide. She went home and took to social media this time talking about losing her grandson and she’s all alone in HER LOSS and she was just going to join him. Maybe I shouldn’t have fed into it, maybe I should have ignored it like I always try to do but I just can’t anymore. I commented and told her how fucking ridiculous she is and if she ever really wanted to help me that this shit is what needs to stop. I can’t do it.
I’ve made it my job to keep her away from my son S. I do not ever want to catch her trying to get info from him ever again. He’s going through so much having witnessed everything and she just keeps wanting him to relive it over and over again. All so she can have this information and tell it to everyone…NOBODY wants to hear this.
I’m sure my comment will start a huge family fight and she’ll somehow try to make me the bad guy and WHAT ABOUT HER?? and that I didn’t even care that she was going to kill herself.
I’m barely hanging on without my son. I’m not coping, and my only concern in my life right now is my other children and husband. I’m even considering moving out of the area just to be away from her. She can’t see anything wrong with her actions and until she can stop the drinking and see what she’s doing, I can’t be around her anymore.