Today in The New Book

Today was a great day. It wasn’t anything spectacular either just a perfect example of what I want this new life to be.

It started simple enough with good morning conversation that lead to fun naughtiness. I wasn’t sure my head would allow the kinda pleasure that leads to toes curling but it did. I’d made the decision when it started that I would do what I always do …just give pleasure …and hope it gets me to my favorite place. Then, amidst the fun I’d decided that I’d go the extra mile for myself as well. I’d already come up with a good compromise scenario where I could continue the fun for just myself if necessary. It turned out that just making that decision in my head …and with an incredibly attentive assist …it was delicious enough that the back up plan wasn’t even needed. This is a very big deal for me. I … and he …made my pleasure an equal goal. Yum!

It’s a work day so working came next. I sat down at MY wonderful workstation set up right in front of a window. I always feel like I’m one of the big bosses that used to have those big offices with a view back when everyone worked in the cubicle farm. I set up my home office area making sure that I’m surrounded by all my work comforts & needs. The added bonus is that it’s just a few feet from my kitchen. I ate my whole wheat toast with cream cheese at my desk & dutifully logged my calories. Work was steady & uncomplicated. I even had a half way decent Teams chat with the team mate I’ve been having issues with lately.

I had therapy at 2pm. I adore my therapist. She gets me. She listens & helps me get my loud, unsettling, unorganized, sometimes unhinged thoughts under a bit more control. We had to deal with some difficulties that had come up earlier in the week. Today was great but this week has been hard. I’m gonna attempt to get my dog from the exe. Making that decision was not easy. I had to speak out loud that it’s what I WANT. Voicing what I want when for so many years what I wanted was never a consideration makes the unfamiliarity of that very uncomfortable. I don’t expect it to go well. I will not be having a face to face to do so. If it doesn’t work out at least I tried. I can get the weight of the complete abandonment of my dog off my shoulders a bit with the effort. That will ease some of the self cruelty that goes on in my head over it. It feels really good to be confident about my SAFE plan.

After therapy, I dolled myself up. I got as pretty as I can get for dinner with my son. All the effort wasn’t at all necessary. The loose plan was getting food at Del Taco. LOL. I just felt like going for it. And I did, all the bells & whistles! I picked my son up. I said hello to my Grandma when I walked in the house to get my boy. Each time I see/speak to her I know it could be the last time. It’s always a wonderful feeling to be able to have those moments again after all the years of zero communication. While I was there I also talked to my Mom a bit about the doggo situation & she thinks it’s a good idea even if neither of us really thinks it’ll yield results. My Mom & I also talked about this Sunday’s Mother’s Day plans. I’m really hoping that’ll be another great day.

My boy & I decided on Pho instead of Del Taco. MMmmm, it was an excellent change of plans. Even if it ended up being more costly than I’d budgeted. Oh well, it’s not like it’ll break the budget or anything. My boy was in a good state. He has mental health issues. Since starting the Thursday dinners with him, I’ve learned to temper my expectations. It can be difficult sometimes. He’s back on a mostly steady medication routine again. We TALKED, really talked. It reminded me of how things used to be with us. We used to be …”road dogs”. If I can have days like this with him at least just once a month, it’ll make even the harder Thursdays seem so much less of a chore.

On the way home, I got flirted with by the guy working the drive thru at Burger King. Call me shallow but the ego lift was just another notch of goodness in my day. Not to mention the newness of being able to come home & share that interaction story with someone who won’t blame me & make me feel like a criminal for it. It’s so different than anything I’ve ever known.

My night ended with amping up the pretty to sexy! Lingerie and private photos were included in that good time. It was the first time I had a photographer for sexy photos. SO. MUCH. FUN.

Now, I’m sitting in the dark with a freshly washed face in a comfy nightie …grinning as I write all this. I’m feeling SO GOOD I might just have a solo round of toe curling. giggles

Anyway, I’m up later than I should be to write this all down but days like these need to be appreciated. Okay, good night now. I hope everyone out there has their version of a great day too!

SIDENOTE: I’m planning to smoke pot this weekend. I’ve always said that I enjoy drinking far more than getting high. Being high has never really held much appeal for me. I’m reconsidering because this is the first time in my life that I feel safe. I’m wondering if that’ll change the overall experience. I haven’t smoked in something like 14 years. It’s legal here so I figure what’s the harm in trying it out again. Maybe in this new life it’ll be a completely different experience. We’ll see!