Wow, it’s been 4ish years since the last time I wrote anything on here. ALOT has changed in my life since that time. I’m not telling anyone I am starting to write on here again. I want this to kind of be an outlet for things that swirl around in my head all day long!
I made all of my old books private, except my monologues because they were funny. I don’t know how I feel about people reading things that happened in the past, because, that’s where they are, in the past. It’s not a place that I like to visit very often, in fact, I try to avoid it usually at all costs. Dark times!
I think I want to just kind of do a timeline of events leading up to what I now call the “Best time of my life” … I will probably elaborate on some things, but I think for the most part, timeline, and then just blog life from here on out! Shall we?
2021 - I thought I was living my best life, but the entire time I was being lied to. It really did a number on me mentally, physically, and emotionally. I honestly can say that I feel like I hit rock bottom and lost my fucking mind mid 2021. At the end of June 2021, I landed myself on a 72 hour “vacation” that stemmed from everything I had been through. I will advocate until the day that I actually do die, that life really can get better, but more on that later. The rest of 2021 was a little bit of a blur, up until the fall … One of my best friends always throws a big Halloween party, so of course I attended. This was one of the first ones that I was actually looking forward to. I had lost over 200 lbs at that time, and I was feeling myself. I dressed up as Harley Quinn, and I thought that my shit didn’t stink. Most of my best friends were in attendance, and of course we were taking photos all night and posting them to various social media platforms, including Snapchat. I have always gotten irritated with people adding people from tags on Snap … and I randomly got an add from one of my friends, friends. It was a guy, and I asked her about him and she was like ohhh he’s a good guy, hes been through some shit, but I think you should give him a chance. Me, being the skeptic that I am, was like yah whatever, but i’m drunk, so what the hell!!!! … we met face to face 6 days later .... fast forward to today, we’ve been attached at the hip ever since, and got our first house together on Christmas Day 2021! He’s the best, I’ll make a whole post about him one day!
2022 - I found out on January 17, 2022 that I was pregnant!!! I was TERRIFIED!!! We had only been together 2 months, just got our house, and were still in the get to know you phase. I cried when I got the positive test, because I was terrified that he was going to leave and I was going to have a baby to raise on my own!! I’ll do a more in depth post reliving my pregnancy at a later date too … fast forward to September 27, 2022 and we welcomed the most beautiful, perfect baby girl into this world!!! I absolutely LOVE being a momma!!
2023 - I went back to work December 28, 2022 from maternity leave ( yay 13 weeks off!!) and it absolutely gutted me to leave my baby. One of my best friends, who happened to be my supervisor, worked the opposite shift / days I did at the Police Department, and she very graciously offered to keep my baby for me while I worked, for free. Can’t pass that up. She is the absolute best JJ in the entire world, and we would definitely be lost without her in our lives. For 11 months I pretty much didn’t make it an entire week of working without crying my eyes out because I missed my baby so much and just wanted to be at home with her. While I was on a girls trip with the baby and JJ in Branson in November, I found out that my job at the Police Department was being moved to the county Sheriff’s office. I did not want to go, for multiple reasons, so I decided that I would go back full time at the department I worked at part time for so many years, that also is the department my partner is a deputy at. Everything was approved, and then my supervisor there called me and said that since I refused to work nights, I couldn’t go full time, I had to stay part time .. threw a wrench in my plans, and I was scared and confused on what to do, we have bills that have to be paid and a 1 year old that we have to provide for, and even though my partner was working as much off duty work as he could, I didn’t know how we were going to make it. Around this same time, he got a call from another off duty company wanting to bring him onto their team and manage their “gigs” here in Arkansas. They offered him a very nice hourly pay, and by the grace of the good Lord up above, it was more than enough to keep us afloat, and allow me to stay at home with the baby!!! So, I worked my last shift at the Police Department on November 30, and I have been a SAHM since!!!
2024 - Life as a SAHM is a lot harder than I ever anticipated it to be. I thought that it was going to be so easy and so much less stressful than life as a 911 Dispatcher and momma. I was wrong. I think that I stress as much, if not more now. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love being at home with her and I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the entire world, but sometimes I feel … inadequate? Like I’m not doing my part in our relationship financially. He says that I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing right now, and that is raising our daughter. Learning to just trust what he says and listen is a super hard thing for me to do, but we are getting there!
Wow. This is a lot longer than I anticipated it to be. I really hope that I can stick with the blogging and getting my thoughts out of my head. I hope that I can use this to vent about my days and my trials as a SAHM now. I’m not going to make any promises, but if you’ve read this far down .. hopefully I can keep it up and reintroduce myself, and keep my little life updated on here from now on. Like I said, this is the best part of life that I have ever experienced and one day, maybe I can sit down and read back about it. I want to document all the little and big things that my daughter accomplishes along the way as well. I know that there will be good and there will be bad … but I’m here for it!
Also, how do I change my name on here?!?!
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