This weekend I burnt my eyebrows off whist incinerating rubbish at the allotment. I was slightly paranoid about burning anything that might cause a lot of smoke, since we are right next to a busy road, so I just burnt all the dry wood and branches that were lying around. It was consequently a very hot fire and a sudden change of wind took me by surprise. My wife just laughed at me. I want to build us a new shed.
I got shouted at by a very irate cyclist yesterday as I drove down the path to the allotment site. The only way there is to drive along the cycle path for about 200m. It’s not ideal, but there’s no other way in and everyone does it because you can’t transport a tonne of manure on a bike. I wrote to the allotment people this morning to ask if we’re officially allowed to drive along the path. My irate cyclist friend made a big production out of taking pictures of my car so I guess he could be intending to go to the police or something.
Did you know bestiality was legal in Denmark? I just found out today, and apparently there is a booming underground animal sex tourism industry as a result. Apparently there are moves afoot to ban animal sex. I suppose that’s a good thing.
Also I notice today that Kim Jon-Un, chief wizard of North Korea, hasn’t been seen for 38 days. Many possible scenarios have been suggested to explain the absence of the big cheese. None of them are much more than wild guesses it seems. Some say he’s been ousted, killed, put under house arrest, broken his ankles, or absconded. Personally I hope it’s gout. Gout is not only pretty painful, which might help redress the moral balance slightly, but also one of those things which is inexplicably funny, like banana skins and rubber chickens.
Finally a quick word about Sally Morgan, Britain’s best loved psychic, or as I prefer to call her, Britain’s most accomplished liar and fraud. Sally has been caught out once or twice in her career, most memorably when she appeared to be getting messages from the dead relayed to her via UHF radio operated by an accomplice in a back room at the theatre where she was performing. She’s embarrassed herself other times too. This week sees her in trouble once again. This time her charming husband, John, managed to get himself videoed threatening a gentleman outside one of her shows, for handing out leaflets.
I haven’t seem a copy of the leaflets, but by all accounts they were standard sceptical advice. In any case, Psychic Sally is now claiming she knew nothing of her husband’s tirade or homophobic views and has sacked him. Odd that a psychic was taken completely by surprise by her own husband I’d have thought.
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