So I'm lay on our bed, half watching the Mentalist, half listening to my stomach gurgling. I'm hungry, but still rocking a massive hangover I've been nursing for 2 days straight. Champagne, vodka, shots, whiskey, alco-pops, and beer don't make for the best morning after, or apparently the afternoon after the morning after =/ Plus I had the misfortune of falling UP some stairs. I get vertigo wearing anything other than flats, so high heels and copious glasses of booze was never gonna be a great combo. Needless to say I'm still regretting it, and kinda humiliated, especially when my bf told me I practically tried to 'rape him'. vodka does bad things to me aha. Ahhh,, aside from the overwhelming sense of shame I tend to harbour for a while after a big drinking session, I'm relatively intact, though in dire need of marmitey toast _
I'm so skint right, i'm on a shite wage, and currently have 84p in my purse.
Often when I read peoples online diaries, blogs etc, I'm overwhelmed by how exciting peoples lives are. The luxurious holidays people take, their creative and inspirational jobs, their close families and relationships, then it gets me thinking my life is extraordinarily dull. But it's only ever as exciting as your willing to make it. the beautiful relationships will only evolve in to something so special if you surround yourself with good people and nurture them.
I'm a ridiculously shy person and freeze up when talking to people. One of the main things I've always wanted in life is to become confident. To be able to walk down a street with my back straight and head held high, not always aware of peoples glances, becoming paranoid that they are talking about me. Not walking out of my way to avoid standing near a group of school kids at a stop giggling when I walk past, knowing it's about me. I'm no saint but I never go out my way to hurt people, or make them feel uncomfortable. While I prefer to a certain extent people who speak their mind, I have never been comfortable with saying exactly what I think for fear of unintentionally offending someone. Perhaps because I was bullied throughout childhood I'm aware now of what can happen if someone hears a negative comment regardless of how minor it is.
I never feel like I'm really on the same level as my fiancé, I often wonder how we came to be together. We both have our insecurities, though he has no reason to be insecure. He's not what I'd normally go for slim, well defined.. I usually go for chubby bearded guys, but he's totally different, though he has taken to growing the facial fuzz =]
His body is what most girls would drool over, but I find it intimidating sometimes, Like a chiselled statue leaving me feeling heavy and unattractive. I've never really had someone treat me like he does, he treats me like I'm breakable, he's protective and loving, and in the 9/10 months of our relationship he's not missed a day without telling me he loves me. I'm a lucky girl.
But I've always been relatively independent and prefer my own company. I'm ecstatic when snuggled up with a good book, coffee, and a bar of chocolate, with the company of my dog. But he loves to be together all the time, which isn't a bad thing really but sometimes you need 'me time'. I'm going to go make us some toast ^_^
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