From Majorca in Journal

I’m writing from my girly holiday in Majorca with mum and Beth on very patchy hotel wifi!
It is absolutely beautiful here and SO hot! We arrived on Wednesday evening and spent most of yesterday at the beach, it’s really hilly here and we’ve already done quite a bit of walking, I woke up this morning with the most painful leg muscles ever! I managed to catch a weird virus just over 2 weeks ago and still haven’t managed to shake it properly! For a week I was stuck in bed with a fever and then the second week I was still really lethargic and didn’t really leave the flat! So walking around all day has been a massive shock to my body I think and I’ve been in so much pain today!! It’s quite funny really cos I’ve been hobbling round like a old lady all day!
Today we spent a couple of hours at the beach and then went into Palma for lunch and a wander round the shops. Usually I’ve kind of tagged along whilst mum and Beth have bought things but I got quite a few bits today! I got some really pretty turquoise earrings that Beth picked out for me, a white bead necklace that reminded me of one I had in college that I absolutely loved and wore until it broke, a beautiful pale grey blanket scarf from Zara and a jumper and skirt from h&m! It’s strange because even though it so hot here (it was 34 degrees Celsius today) all the shops have all their winter stock in!
I wanted to get some tshirts from Zara as well but mum talked me out of them because she said that they wouldn’t be flattering on account of me being a fatty :( I actually specifically asked mum and Beth not to comment on my weight before we left. I just said that I know that I’m heavier than I should be and that I do want to do something about it but I didn’t want to feel rubbish about it on holiday. So they kind of agreed… But I’ve not been feeling that great here because we’ve been spending most of our time here in our bikinis so it’s kind of hard to ignore how fat I am, and there are so many gorgeous girls with amazing bodies everywhere it’s hard not to feel gross. And Beth is such a hottie so that makes me feel fat and ugly too, it feels like every single guy we walk past checks her out! I put a few photos of instagram today, one of Beth, one of me, and a couple of beachy ones and I noticed that a guy that we both used to work at Pizza Hut with, who I always got on really well with and had a little bit of a soft spot for had liked the photo of Beth in her bikini and none of the others! I know it’s a really stupid thing to be upset about but it did make me feel really rubbish. I really didn’t think that I would be this fat for this holiday, I really hope I can sort myself out when we get home. So me buying clothes today seemed to open the floodgates for mum to comment on my weight, she’s not nasty but she brings it up a lot and then won’t drop it even when it’s obvious that I’m uncomfortable and don’t want to be talking about it. She was grilling me this afternoon about how much I want to lose and how u think I’m going to be able to do it and then when I had got ready to go out for dinner she told me I looked nice ‘if a bit chubby’. I just don’t get it. I know I’m fat, I don’t need it pointed out to me all the time!! And Beth asked me this morning if I think I’ll ever be slim again :(
I meant to say thank you actually to all my lovely readers who left lovely comments on my birthday entry… I had a really lovely birthday and I know I am so lucky and feeling a bit rubbish about my weight was a tiny part of it, but because of the photos I felt like I needed to mention it, it’s weird, it’s like I don’t want people to think that I think it’s ok so I have to point out that I know I’m too fat and that I’m not happy with it. I’m not sure if that even makes sense! And right now I am having such a lovely holiday and I love spending time with mum and Beth but just needed to vent a bit because I’m frustrated; with myself for not being able to sort it out and with mum and Beth for bringing it up when I specifically asked them not too.
Anyway.... Otherwise I am loving the sun, the beautiful beach, the warm sea and the hilarious company so overall it’s a pretty awesome holiday so far!
Paul has been extra specially lovely lately and I am quite missing him, he had Wednesday off and our flight wasn’t until the evening so we got to hang out together in the morning and then we went to conto lounge in winton for lunch, when we’d finished lunch he said that he needed to go to m&s to get a rolling pin for his mum, so we went and he asked me to wait in the car whilst he popped in and when he came back he didn’t have a rolling pin but he did have extra euros for me, it was so sweet! He also arranged travel insurance for us because we are not a very ‘insurancey’ family so we hadn’t thought of it and he wouldn’t let any of us pay towards it, he chatted to grandpa whilst Beth was painting my nails for me which mum absolutely loved and then he drove us all to the airport. He is also looking after Africa this weekend for me because Drew and Robyn have gone to London this weekend even though they had agreed to look after Africa! I am so lucky that he is so sweet and awesome!
I hope everyone has an awesome weekend!
xxx