I think I am in my head today.
I am not in the mood to go back to the mountains, snowboarding etc. I want to be home, with my cat, having an edible, and simply existing and relaxing.
I think I am in my head because albeit I am progressing quite a bit, I am a perfectionist and have a very toxic mindset of ” If its not perfect, then its not worth doing.” or ” I can’t fail if i don’t try.” Comes from a deep seethed unhealthy upbringing with a non-supportive parent, that has destroyed who I am and my sense of self worth, so it is hard for me to just… do it.
Also, the fear of heights doesn’t help, when boarding, and getting locked up in mountains because i look down the cliffside, or slopeside. EIther way, tomorrow is a new day and we go again
I met a cool dude today in the hot tub named matt, and he told me i should try microdosing shrooms before going down the mountain because it helps just break out of nerves and feel it more, and thats what he does before he goes down.
I need to learn to just enjoy the trip, and have fun doing it, instead of trying to be the next fucking shaun white or malcolm moore.
Today I stayed in my head and did not go snowboarding, I was extremely sore and was very worried about fucking up.. Either way, I will make sure I try my best tomorrow, and continue to practice S-turns and fixing my form. I Will wipe out a lot ,and that;s okay. I’ve learned it is okay, in the end of the day i always feel good about it.
Growth is an uncomfortable process.
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