John’s stuck at home with a mouth abscess so neither of us is getting any time alone and we’re getting on each other’s last nerve… plus he’s in pain and frustrated and all that stuff. He snapped at me this morning when I offered to make him breakfast, when I asked if he’d taken his pills yet, and when I mentioned a bill that just came in. It was one snap too many, and I had to get out of here… about the only place I could think of that I could walk far enough to get to is the new ‘neighbourhood store’ just over half a mile away, so I set off. It’s HOT out there… and walking without my cane is not the same as walking around the grocery store with a shopping cart to lean on. Yesterday I walked all the way around Walmart, and sure my hips were screeching by the time I got back to the car, but I did it. This morning I didn’t even get halfway to the store before I realised I had to turn around - if I kept going I’d never be able to get home again. :( By the time I got home it felt like somebody had stuck a hot metal rod into my lower spine and I could barely move my legs…
John said I should take my walker with me, but I didn’t want to use it. I’m 43, not 73. Walkers are for little old ladies or people who are really sick… I’m not using my cane because my shoulder went horribly bad, and after three days without it my shoulder is doing much better, but I was hoping that I could keep going and maybe discard the stupid thing altogether… but I couldn’t even walk a lousy half mile! And damnitall, this is with nothing ‘serious’ wrong with me! And don’t say ‘get your driver’s license, get a job, go be independant’… it takes everything I have to give just to keep us both fed and clothed and vacuum the floors occasionally. Just from walking around Walmart yesterday, I came home and took a nap for a solid hour, then I felt like I had a bad case of the flu for the rest of the night… over-exerting myself or pushing myself makes me feel very ill. At least I could still feed John - he just wanted an omelette because he can’t chew anything.
Between John’s mouth and the sick cat (who seems to be fine now) we are competely broke and I feel guilty as hell… the vet wanted us to bring Tessica back for another check and we can’t afford it, and we certainly couldn’t afford to buy her forty dollar kibble… John said we have to wean Zho-Zho off hers and put them all back on grocery-store kibble because we can’t afford to buy it… the girls were thrilled to see their familiar old kibble back (instead of the expensive grain-free Wellness) and they all overate at breakfast time so that Scouty made herself sick. I guess they like junk food as much as people do… at least we don’t really have to worry about ‘weaning’ Zho-Zho onto the new/old food - she eats her own special kibble and then hits the other girls’ saucers for anything they’ve left behind, so technically she never stopped eating the regular stuff. But I feel guilty as hell that I’m not looking after them right, and that I’ve made more bills for us, and that I’ve spent too much money on fripperies… at least my shoulder and neck has fixed itself by not using my cane and not using the computer mouse - I was afraid I’d have to go see a chiropractor this week but it’s fine now. At least we don’t have to waste any more money on taking me to the doctor right now…
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