Today was interesting. I definitely was getting very irritated at work dealing with my co-workers. I think it was a culmination of things, but my high level of irritation made me have to stop and think about what was actually happening. I think it was the juxtaposition of dealing with family drama and real world problems with the coddled government workers treating work place inconveniences like life altering catastrophes. I woke up late and then was running through that extremely boring training material struggling to stay awake. I got a call from my pregnant sister in the hospital worried about my mother who was recently diagnosed with a slipped disk and arthritis about to drive 14 hours to come see her in the hospital because my father was too drunk to buy her a plane ticket the night before. I then had to calm my mother down, who is known for her temper, and then come out of my own pocket to buy a ticket on the spot to convince her not to make the drive. You are very grounding because when I type that out it sounds like a lot but it is so within the range of normal for my family that it seriously didn’t register until you said something about it. So don’t ever shy away from pointing out to the “obvious” to me. I believe what is obvious to you is probably a blind spot for me and I respect your opinion and insights. I’ll never be too smart to learn from you.
With our first date fast approaching I have hit an uncharacteristically high level of optimism. I’m not even sure if that is the right word. I want to see you so badly that I have abandoned my safety net of pessimism. You have successfully centered me back into my body. Its a welcome change to experience with you but it feels a lot less safe than the mental realm I am used to occupying.
As far as our second date, anything that isn’t you is just a distraction until I can get back to you. You are the sole purpose of that trip and I plan on spending as much time with you as you are comfortable tolerating.
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