I was feeling down yesterday. But today the excitement of meeting you started to kick in. I am traditionally not an excitable or optimistic person but it is hard to put into words how it feels when I think about us meeting. I know our time is limited on the first date but damn that meeting is damn near two decades overdue. Looking through the astrological compatibility, maybe it was just meant to be this way. Maybe we would have been a bright consuming flame that would have run out of oxygen and fuel in our immaturity. Maybe not. Maybe we would have settled down into burning hot embers seemingly never losing heat as we matured together. What comes to mind when I start writing revisionist histories in my mind is that I can only have acted how I actually acted because what is done is done.
I am going to have to really sit down and reflect to put better words to how I feel about our first date. It is the culmination of all my hopes, fears, wants, and insecurities. I just need to see you, hear your voice and laugh in person, smell and touch you, taste you. I need to drown my senses in you. I never thought of the possibility of how much time we might have for the second date. That was another welcomed surprise. Old habits die hard. I was thinking in terms of minimizing the space I would take up while maximizing my availability. As crazy as it probably sounds, while I accept it, it is still hard to think of someone wanting me as much as I want them. When I think about how much I want you, thinking of you wanting me back equally or even exceeding that is new territory. I don’t know if you are in the same boat as me in those feelings/insecurities but it is something to keep in mind in case you are. However much you love me, I love you back the same or more.
I love you.
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