This is a big one. Of course, as always, its been a good few months since I’ve updated. There’s a lot to go over in this one, so I apologize if it seems a little jumbled and out of order.
My fiance in the previous entries? He’s my husband now. For the sake of simplicity and anonymity, I’ll call him J in these stories. Im so proud of our story, and I am so truly grateful for him. He takes care of me, sometimes at his own sacrifice, and always makes sure I’m well off. J’s job has taken a turn for the worst as far as management goes (his boss has turned into an asshole, excuse my language). On top of that, our financial situation has been far from great. I love my job, but it doesn’t pay enough. Same goes for J. A lot of factors went into the decision, some harder to explain than others, but unfortunately our last secure option to be… not homeless, is for him to join the military.
Im honestly a bit scared for it. I am not afraid to admit that I am a clingy person, so J being away for long periods of time will be really difficult for me. I’m worried about how he will do as well, since the military is not known to be an easy-going place of work. He’s strong though, and incredibly patient, so I can take at least some solace in that.
The next big event in my current life is about my dad. We’ve never been horribly close, as my parents split when I was very young and I’ve always lived with my mom. My dad has a plethora of mental illnesses, and though he’s always been very kind to me, we never had a chance to build a very close bond. Of course this has caused some mental distress for me, and I still love him very dearly.
A few weeks ago, he told me he has stage 4 cancer. About two weeks ago, he told me he only has three months left to live.
People haven’t been very understanding, as they confuse my bond with him. Their response is always ‘Well, at least you weren’t that close with him, right?’ I understand their way of thinking, but it truly is much harder for me than they understand. Even if our bond isn’t as strong as other father-daughter relationships, he’s still my dad, and I still love him.
Sadly, there’s nothing we can do but wait and make use of what little time we have left.
I’m still working at the same job, and it’s still going decently. The “honeymoon” phase of the job is long gone, so of course the rose colored glasses are off now. I still enjoy my job nontheless, but the ‘meh’ days are becoming more common. I have no clue what I will do for work once J is in the military and we have to move away, but hopefully whatever it is will fit me well.
I think that’s all the pressing issues in my life for the time being. As always, thank you if you’ve read this far. And also as always, this is moreso for me to vent anonymously rather than gain anything. Sometimes you just need to get your thoughts out of your head and onto a keyboard, right?
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