I appreciate the smoke signal. When I saw it I thought, “God, I love this woman’s mind.” Simple thing but helpful. I really was in a bit of panic yesterday so that was helpful. The more dysregulated I become the more impulsive and irrational I become so I sat my ass down in the backyard last night, sipped my low carb fart water alcohol, and listened to birds in the dark until my daughter found me and climbed all 11 years of herself into my lap until she decided it was too hot outside.
Your smoke signal was received and calming as I contemplated what the new normal will look like. Then I remembered what today was and where you had to go and what you had to do. Even though there isn’t anything I can do about it, it is still maddening. I’m a doer and there is nothing for me to do while you experience pain and discomfort. That causes me anxiety but my anxiety isn’t shit compared to what you endure. Plus, I guess it should be expected when someone you love is hurting and there isn’t anything you can do about it.

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