life has devolved into coming home from classes/work and napping for two hours, waking up disoriented, eating something and not accomplishing anything besides stressing about my section and hanging out on social media.
Patrick and I are breaking up.
I bombed a midterm last week.
I have a staff of 14 writers but I seem to never have articles to publish.
I need to write a restaurant review.
I need to write a paper for my media law class.
I need to catch up on readings for all my classes.
Patrick and I are breaking up. After a long conversation last night, we decided to try again to make things work, but now I’ve just sent him a long message detailing how I feel.
I’ve been telling him I don’t feel like we’re in a relationship. That I need more from him. I need his support. He’s just moved up to Anaheim for Disneyland and even though it’s only been a month, our relationship has been suffering.
Last night, we talked about this. He said:
“I’m sorry I keep disappointing you.” “I’m really busy with my life right now.” “I don’t think you should make me a priority.”
Aren’t those just excuses for not liking someone/wanting to be with someone? He doesn’t want to put in the effort, he doesn’t know how. It would be easier to just hear: “I don’t have feelings for you anymore.” At least that’s honest.
So our relationship is ending and I’m bummed because there’s so much I wanted to do with him these next few months and obviously he’s been such a huge part of my life for five (five!!!) years now.
But at the same time, I just feel defeated. I want some honesty, I want to feel like I’m valued and in a relationship. If he can’t give me that, then it’s time to move on. If making an effort to talk to me more often, sending “good morning” or “thinking of you” texts is too difficult, then there’s nothing I can do about that.
I don’t think we can friends. I’m not ready to let Patrick go.
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