June 4, 3:33 in Personal journal

This is just a “short”, personal recap of my life and the way I live it. I went to the library today and finished reading solitaire, which I find to be an absolutely amazing book.
I decided to leave two reviews on Google review today on my way home from the library. I reviewed Jaws and solitaire, gave them both five star reviews. today’s a rather chilly day for Sunday(hehe, get it). Something that is interesting about today is that the sky looks clear but I can kind of see a subtle cover of clouds that you can only truly see if you look for it. the last day of school is in three days and I don’t know how to feel about that. It will be my last day in middle school on the seventh of June I don’t like the thought, I find it to be scary thinking about how I’ll be in high school. I’ve never stayed at the same school for more than two years my entire life, but soon I’ll be going to high school and I’ll be stuck in there for four years. I don’t know how to feel about that I don’t like staying in the same place for more than a certain amount of time (it stresses me out). I feel like I get bored with my life and I find it un-interesting which causes me to let my room get messed up and that makes me feel very depressed, which allows for my room to get messier. It’s a constant cycle. I’ve been in my current location for the past (almost) 6 years. I feel the need to change things as often as possible that can include rearranging my room or getting a haircut, or even just buying new clothes which is ironic because I don’t like purchasing clothes. The one thing that probably keeps everything “okay” about my stagnant life is going on walks. I don’t know why I suddenly decide to keep this recap of who I am maybe I feel the need to remember what I was like back in eighth grade well, it won’t be eighth grade for long. Maybe I just feel bored. This is a new thing to do to keep my mind entertained. who knows, I definitely don’t know as I’m walking. My feet are beginning to hurt because the converse I’m wearing are still relatively new, so I’m probably going to regret it when I take the shoes off. my parents and sibling are currently off at my dad’s baseball game. He had to play today and that’s all I can say really. Today we’re going to our neighbors graduation party, I don’t really know her that well but she was my babysitter a couple years ago, so I guess that makes us acquaintances. as I am speaking this out (because I don’t like typing or writing, I think the speak to text is easier allows me to write that longer things with more detail because usually I can’t find the words to write down when I’m trying to use a pen or pencil). I think I’m gonna use this thing as a way to just put it all on the plate. I probably won’t write in it frequently but I think it’s better for me to be able to put things down than keep them bottled up in my mind. I keep a lot of things bottled up, so this is my excuse to write it and then read it later, I do that often write something down or save an image, then look at it later, trying to feel joy from that because I thought that image made me happy when I saved it. I don’t know if I’m trying to sound depressed and I’m forcing it, but this is kind of how I truly feel. I feel like I put on a face for people to think I’m happy and then when I let my true feelings out, they judge me, I’m supposed to be a happy go lucky person who doesn’t really feel pain or emotion. Just supposed to be there for comedic relief. Yep I’m the trans person for comedic relief. (Isn’t that a funny twist on things)sometimes when I talk like this and actually dump my emotions out. I feel like I’m just trying to fake it for attention. That’s probably not good for my mental health or st in life. (to speak to text bleeps out the st. I did it again) I could probably keep talking like this for a while. I should do it more often. This is a good idea. One of my few good ideas. Usually my ideas are stupid. That doesn’t sound very good. I’m gonna try and not change as much on this except the spelling errors. I want to try. this is my true feelings about how my days are this is how I go about my day: wake up, eat, eat some more, watch TV, scroll on Pinterest, laugh about things that I won’t find funny later, go on walks try and get outside . I don’t know if I think ill sound stupid later when I read this, but it feels therapeutic and better than talking to the voice in my head. saying things out loud (I hear) is better for you than just bottling them up. I said that already haven’t I. when I originally started saying this, I thought I was going to keep it short and sweet but now I’m almost at my house and I’ve been talking like this since I left the library it’s about a mile walk if you can imagine how long I’ve been talking. I’m saying this is if I’m talking to someone when I’m actually just feeding into the psychotic thing that is my mind by pretending that there’s someone near me listening no one’s listening maybe someone is maybe that little person in the back of my mind is listening and thinking that I’m f***ing insane, who knows, as I’ve already said, I definitely don’t. My parents are probably going to find this later and send me to a psych ward because they overreact I don’t really know how to process process process extreme emotion. I keep it bottled up inside, I said bottled up inside three times now, it sound like I’m running out of words, but actually, I’m just info dumping, speaking of info, I think sharks are amazing, anyways I’m probably gonna stop talking once I reach my house so until then I’ll keep doing this. Maybe someone will find this personal monologue, post online, and say look at this crackhead, they don’t understand their own body and am faking it for attention. am I just doing this because I read some thing about someone who’s deadpan or am I actually relating to that person and now I’m letting my true feelings out onto a little note app that doesn’t care. welcome to my psychotic episode. Thank you for listening. Just kidding that’s not the end. I still have three houses until my house so I’m gonna keep talking. I’m just now realizing that it’s nice day and plenty of cars are riding around with their windows down and people can hear me spilling my nonsense, but I’m starting to not care as much, I probably wrote an entire novel by now so I should stop but I’m not going to because I I don’t know how to feel about my life and what I do. Do I feel like every day is a new day where everything is fine new, and exciting. or do I feel like I should probably stop writing now. I’ll continue later goodbye, I hope you enjoyed my psychotic episode.