I'm alive, maybe a little drunk in The Crimson Permanent Assurance

  • Nov. 25, 2013, 8:07 a.m.
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  • Public

The booze is just about all that is keeping me going right now, I'm not going to lie. I still only drink on the weekends, life is too crazy during the week for anything else. Tim was off from work last week because of his chest pains. I don't know where to start, he landed in the ER Thursday before last with chest pains, he didn't tell me until that night. His cardiologist wasn't concerned at all for some reason, probably because he is a fucking quack. Anyway, he didn't go to work all week and had a cardiac holster monitor for 24 hrs on Thursday into Friday. His neurologist didn't want him taking his Ritalin or Provigil until his quack cardiologist cleared him to take it again which he did right away. Tim has been taking nitroglycerin every day for chest pains. His cardiologist told him just go to the ER if it gets bad, despite him being in the ER being the impetus behind all of this. I hate his guts. (The cardiologist). Anyway he is back to work tomorrow even though nothing has been resolved.

That is why the booze is my friend. How do I cope with this? His EKG's don't show anything abnormal but he keeps having chest pains that only respond to nitroglycerin. No one knows what is wrong with him, no one has answers. It is so frustrating and scary. I'm worried he will die one night while I'm at work. I don't know what to do. He won't comply with an extreme diet like no gluten, no sugar, which would probably help him,

So I drink. There is nothing else for me. Thank god I only have to work Monday and Tuesday this week, I am off the rest. I need to just decompress but this is it. Tim's family has a big family reunion planned for Thanksgiving, o.m.g., it is going to be fucking nuts, I am not ready for this.

So, whatever, I drink Saturday and Sunday nights, that's it, but sometimes it doesn't feel like enough. That's just the truth.


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