i'm alone in thoughts

just really feel like if i died no one would care. genuinely. i feel like my friends fr don’t care abt my wellbeing, family ddoesn’t take anything serious. now, i would’t do anything drastic, but i just really feel alone a lot of the time. no one really cares. and honestly feeling this way ,, it’s exhausting. the ppl i thought who did care just act like everyone else. i can’t say this to anyone tho bc then ppl will assume i am just trying to be edgy or emo. but i truly feel this way and i’m sick and tired i really am. fr just wanna enjoy life atleast for one day. wanna actually have someone care, jsut something idk. i just don’t understand why no one likes me, why no one wants to stay in my life for long. why everyone gets tired of me after a while. i try to fix myself but no matter what i do someone always finds something they don’t like and leave, ignore.. i know it’s my fault for pushing people away but when i truly try my hardest to keep the ppl in my life they never stay anyway. i am forreal all alone.