If it mattered.. in Ramblings of a stranger..

  • July 27, 2014, 4:40 a.m.
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  • Public

I would like to say all kind of things to you, if it mattered. Usually I have a hard time finding words.. With you, I would have no trouble.

It doesn't matter. Nothing does. I fear that I'm stuck. I fear there is someone who wouldn't hate me, complain about me, bitch at me, bring me down, etc... And I wouldn't even know it. I'm so use to the dysfunction, it's become my normal.

I'm really not meant to be loved. If for no other reason, except that I dont know what love is. I know how to be who i'm suppose to be to, for, and towards people. Problem is, I dont want to be these things.

I have a problem with sex. I hate feeling like all I am is a cum dumpster. I hate being whiney. I hate all of this.

I want a quiet, but cozy life. I want to be surrounded by people who actually want to be around me.

Fuck. Co-exsisting with certain people can do a number on your mind.

Marriage. Probably not for me after all.


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