CNA test happened on Thursday. Met Erica - super religious but ultimately an ideal person for me to have roadtripped and roomed with. The test threw me for a loop. It was much harder than I expected. I wish I had gone thru the book but oh well.
As for the practical - - i never closed a single blind or door. I WISH I HAD HAD MY OWN BOOK!! I'm positive I left it at Hearthstone.... man I had that thing SET UP! Oh well.
I hope I never have to dress another client ever again. That shit threw me so hard. I could not tell my right from my left and make it translate into her. I have a hard enough time with MY R & L that navigating 3 tiers of r & l killed me. I never want to have to do that again.
I was supposed to work today but after being pushed from 10 to 11 to noon, I said fuck it, let's do Monday. 12-3? Really? No thanks. Get your shit together and let me know. I'd be willing to bet that I get a text on Monday morning saying "let's change from 9 to 10?" This shit gets ridiculous.
I'm supposed to be doing homework right now. I have so much due! It's causing the lovely stress reaction of extreme procrastination. I'm hoping that by getting some of the stuff out of my head will help.
I got a massage at Saturday market today! It was WONDERFUL! She put my shoulder back into place - I felt it! Even tho she didn't work on my lower back, she got into my subocciptals and I felt my hips settle. It was amazing. It was a good precursor to getting a full body done.
I need to break up with Rick today. This is getting more and more unfair to him.... but in all honesty, I warned him on day 1 that if I was emotionally neglected too long, I'd stray. I've told him multiple times in the past 4.5 years, in no uncertain terms, that when he went silent, and that palpable wall went up between us for reasons unknown, it was physically painful. The staring straight ahead with no emotion when we talk about something is relationship suicide. I will never put up with that shit again. Never fucking again will I be ignored like that. Silent treatment go fuck yourself. It's a dealbreaker. Non-negotiable.
Sidenote: how the fuck do you say we're still "technically together" when we commented about how the dog didn't know I was saying goodbye? How we were talking about how/when you were going to pick up your bench & chair? I told you not to ignore the next one and you said there'd be no next one, you were just going to sleep with random women.
It's over. I'm done fighting. There are no more chances. This was your last one and you blew it. I called it! I told Missy he'd never be able to maintain the communication thing. It's just not his way. Missy says I need to make it sound like it's a choice I"m making as opposed to a consequence to something he did. ....but it IS a choice I'm making as a result of TONS of things he did or didn't do. Mainly didn't. Too many broken promises. I can't trust him any more. I don't want to have to worry about talking about a new guy at work. It's a new kid at work.. who fucking cares? Yea I know Sheryl was talking about only hiring women but she hired him. Why do you keep looking at me like that? I haven't mentioned him bc you hate when I mention guys. You get this sourpuss look and I feel the mood shift. I point it out, it's NOTHING! What?? you're fine! I must be crazy. ..... the more I type the crazier it sounds.
Why do I put up with this????
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