This week has been so amazing with my family. My nephew is amazing, my little sister is truly glowing. This baby is giving her life a purpose she has been looking for. I couldn't be more happy for her, she's so in love. We all are. But, it's making me look at Danny a little differently.
Things have been really weird between us. Don't get me wrong I ADORE that kid but, It feels like it felt right before we broke up 3 years ago (almost to the date). It doesn't help he's at a work conference all week and in and out of meetings and dinners with vendors but, I feel like it's Danny's world and I'm just living in it. Same as I felt 3 years ago.
This is partly my fault, I let it happen. He calls the shots for everything, where we are going to live, what we do on weekends, when it's time to go home, ect... I know he doesn't mean to do it, he's just CRAZY type-A. Like plans things out to a T and I go with it because I'm not a planner and rarely have an opinion on what I want to do. Lord, he has hardly asked about my nephew! All I hear is how tired he is of presentations or how much they're drinking.
Right now, I feel different. He had a second interview with a company where I live (he lives in Dallas, I live 40 minutes away in Fort Worth, way closer to work). It's a major pay raise and he's totally over working at Neiman's. But now, he's off at this work conference that's practically a 5 day party at the Four Seasons. We have exchanged about 10 texts in 4 days and I got one drunk dial at 2am on Monday, obviously I was asleep. I just feel deep in my bones that if he gets this job, he's going to decline it because right now, things are good at his company. But this time last week, he was all "i need a change, this job is sucking, been here for 5 years, over it" and once a "I want to be in the same city as you", Seriously, that's ALL I want. But I'm not willing to quit my job working for my dad, sales are good, I'm finally learning and making money. I haven't had longevity at a job before, it's not time for me to look for a new job! And I refuse to commute 5 days a week from Dallas to here (almost an hour).
I feel like I'm being selfish but, if he doesn't take the job at this Fort Worth company (assuming he gets it) I will be crushed. 100% heartbroken. I need to be a big priority and if stays at Neimans, he's pretty much saying he's content with being 40 miles away from me until I'm ready to relocate. I already relocated for him once and we broke up 6 months later because I basically resented him. He says he can't wait to marry me and start a life together but, it's a lot of talk. Nothing has really progressed the last year and a half we've been back together.
It's crazy to think but since Russell and I broke up in 2009, I dated a couple guys, Danny, Ryan, and Chad. Ryan and Chad are now married and Danny and I are still doing whatever the hell this is. A lot of this is coming from the fact that we have hardly talked since Sunday but, it has also given me time to sit down and be like "this is getting really unfair". We will see each other tomorrow evening he wants to "catch up on sleep this weekend" which means we probably won't be doing much. If I make a plan he'll probably be quiet and unimpressed because he'll just be sooooo tired from the long week of work (drinking).
At the end of the day, I'd move to friggin' Kalamazoo for him, because I want to be next to him but.... I want the same in return. I guess we'll see. I really hope he gets this job in Fort Worth but then, I hopeeven more that he takes it. That'll speak measures. The recruiter said he got amazing feedback from the VPs about him and we'll find out soon.
Lawd. If you made it through this, thanks! I really needed that vent. We will see...
Amanda
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