Trigger warning - discussion of suicide and death
Today, I found out that K-pop idol and celebrity Moon Bin died aged 25. It is suspected that he committed suicide.
I am not emotionally close to Moon Bin or his group, since I am not a fan of ASTRO but simply a casual K-pop listener. Most of my friends are not and if they are, they were also not ASTRO fans so remain sympathetic but detached. This is not the first time such a thing has happened, after all, with Jonghyun from SHINee, Sulli from f(X) and Goo Hara from Kara.
Yet I cannot begin to express how much I was affected by the news. Despite not knowing Moon Bin as a fan, I am not so detached from him as I thought I was, given that I saw his performances and online personality. The most devastating thing to me is how widely he smiled and how completely that is now gone.
Even as I type this, I ask myself again what such a young and talented man did to deserve such a fate. I try not to peer deeper inside and see if I am asking myself whether, as untalented as I am in comparison, I deserve to be smiling on this earth.
Thoughts of suicide are not new to me; news of suicide is not new to me. But I have never been aware and connected to the news when I heard it. This is not the first suicide I have heard of. It is the first I found out by my own hand and it is the first that begins to shake me. I cannot confide in my friends because I don’t think they would understand my level of upset, given that I don’t understand it myself. This is why I have turned to this forum and made this rambling first post.
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