“Sit down son.”
“aw shit, what’d I do now.”
“Nothing, well, not nothing, your father and I are worried.”
“My father and you are always worried, and whenever you start talking like his attorney I’m in trouble.”
“I am not talking like his attorney --- wait. You will not put me on the defensive young man.”
“See? When Dad becomes ‘Your Father’ and I become ‘Young Man’ there’s some sort of I fucked up kind of sermon coming.”
“We received your grades yesterday.”
“And?”
“ All A’s.”
“Fuck, I can explain …”
“It’s not just that young ma—Jacob. It’s not just that Jacob.”
“Dad?”
“Son, your friend, the clean cut one, not rat-face ---“
“Francis and Charles, you can call them Francis and Charles, you’ve known them all my life.”
“Ok, um Charles, right? He’s the one with the polo shirts and deodorant?”
“Shit, dad, what? Yes, Charles is going through a preppy phase, should I cut him loose?”
“No, no, he’s a good friend, he called and …”
“Spit it out for the love of fuck.”
“You know that concert you boys went to last week?”
“Fuck your Dead Auntie?”
“Yes, those fellows, I really like their song about shooting officers of the law”
“yeah, you’re real hip dad, what about it?”
“Charles said a marijuana cigarette was passed down the row ---“
“Fuck”
“Oh, so you know where this is going?”
“Yeah, what do you want me to say?”
“We’re just worried son. You passed it to rat fa- Francis without, what do you boys say? Taking a toke.”
“Dad …”
“That’s not all son – Jacob – Susans parents called two days ago. Apparently when you took her to the movie you didn’t even attempt a grope and you kept a civil tongue in your head when you kissed her goodnight. Susan even told them when you first had intercourse that you insisted on a condom.”
“Jesus Christ, I’m going to my room.”
“You will sit and listen to your father young man. Sit Down! Now!”
“Ok, both barrels give it to me, just get it all out. Did that fucking call too and say I rescued it from a tree. That old bitch, she tell I helped her cross the street? Did rat face tell you I volunteered as designated driver? That fucking cop, he say he warned me about following the speed limit? Fuck!”
“Your father and I are just worried. We love you. We know how very hard it is in this day and age, how much temptation there is, but Jacob, we just don’t want to see you throw your life away.”
“Jesus.”
“I’m afraid taking the lords name in vain is just not enough.”
“Ok I promise, I’ll skip the mid terms.”
“It’s still a dangerous path even if you were to drop out of school, it’s not enough Jacob. We love you, this is tearing us up.”
“Ok, you got any dope? Coke, junk, speed? Break it out, call up some hookers, whatever, now can I go to my room and not do my homework?”
“We already took your textbooks.”
“What? You were in my room? Love me? How about you start trusting me.”
“We found this too. A gideons bible. Please tell me you stole this from a motel.”
“Stay out of my room! That’s mine!”
“There’s an eight ball in your dresser and we’ve replaced your art posters with explicit Satanic orgy posters.”
“You have no right.”
“And yet there it is. We love you. There’s a ladder up against you’re bedroom window, just in case you want to run away.”
“I want to be emancipated.”
“With your record no judge will allow it.”
“I’ll bring a bong to court.”
“Not nearly good enough.”
“Fuck, are we done?”
“Are we?”
“One more fucking word and I’m kissing you both on the cheek, brushing my teeth and saying my prayers.”
“Look at her! You are killing your mother, you break her heart. Take it back!”
“No.”
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