I haven't been sleeping well lately. it's starting to bother me. I got about 4 hours last night, and I have to be up in 3 hours for another long day.
there's just so much on my mind lately that i can never manage to settle down.
first and foremost in my mind is this fucking pt test. if i fail this one they can start the paperwork to kick me out of the army. it's my own damn fault for not working out while i've been here, i know that. but since i failed the last one this has been hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles. If it wasn't for pt, i'd love the army. the problem is that i'm so burned out that i just. dont. care. anymore. it sounds terrible, but honestly all I can think about is getting home. i'm stuck working in physical therapy which i hate, with an NCO that's a raging douche bag. I have next to no job satisfaction working back there. I miss being able to actually work on patients, find out what's wrong with them and help fix them. instead i'm handing out icepacks and doing the bitch work. it's so immensely frustrating. the frustrating part is that in the short time i was doing the job i liked i learned enough that i can hold my own treating people as a medic. now all that information is going to waste. all my drive to go a job right is fucking gone. and i don't care anymore. I'm done. they take away my mission without telling me and stick me back in the worst job i could have. I'm fed up. I have ceased to give a fuck. not one, single, solitary, lone, insignificant fuck. not even a half a fuck. no fractions of fucks will be given till i'm in the dairyland.
i need to sleep. i'm starting to hallucinate.
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