This hymn - along with the sermon theme of God's Peace this morning - hit home so hard for me personally. Pastor Jennifer charged us to go into the world with God's Peace in our hearts. That is exactly what I must open myself up to let God do within my heart this upcoming very hard week, as we continue to transition my mom into her new digs. And then we were led to sing this song of "leaning on God's help" which I have known from my Methodist/Baptist childhood. I could not sing it. I leaned on Keith, and during the singing, instead I allowed tears to slip down my face and throat. Not my usual m.o., and not the usual behavior in my chosen Lutheran church congregation. :)
What a fellowship, what a joy divine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.
Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.
My sister and I are insisting that Mom move out of her hoarder/maintenance-nightmare/unmanageable house by the end of this month. While we are on the same page for the most part, Sis really pissed me off when she wanted us to drive to meet for a face to face earlier this week because "her heart and my heart were so far apart from each other." ??!!! This is because I put together a spreadsheet showing a projected budget for Mom for what it might look like in her new digs, and her new budget will not work if she continues to spend like she is currently spending. (This is the real problem: Mom's spending.) I told her that she had no IDEA where my heart was (btw my heart is very very sad) because my heart was not on that spreadsheet - that spreadsheet was only facts. I also asked her "can't you wait 10 days until I have already scheduled to drive up there?"
Sis has calmed down, so I did not have to make an extra trip up I-45. But I still have to go up and deal with Mom. This week I am going to the doctor with her and then after that, meeting with her neighbor with whom I have arranged to sell her house. He will have the contract ready, we just need her to sign. Then maybe we will pack a few boxes??? hoping:) I just don't know.
Even though I know this is what MUST happen, and what other families have already dealt with when they had to go through this, the process is all very hard.
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