I have been insanely busy lately. Between doctors appointments, work, birthdays for my brother, son, and boyfriend, trying to prebowl, a wedding, its just been really busy. I currently work 35 hours a week, from home, which is super nice. Last night I got too drunk, and so I was hungover when I woke up this morning, and today I had work.
I was definately not in the mood for work, however, I need the money, and I need the job, and being hungover is not a good reason to call out of work. I decided to drink that much last night, so calling out just wasn’t an option. I took some Ibuprofen, drank some water, and tried my best to make it through my workday.
I made it through, my head has been pounding all day, but the medicine helped a little bit. I did eat today, but I have noticed myself stopping eating as much as I used to. I feel fat even though everyone tells me I’m not. And that they would tell me if I was. But I just cant help muself when I look in the mirror to pick out every thing I hate about myself. Including my weight.
Weight has always been an issue for me, ever since I was about 14 years old, I have always kept myself quite thin. But my body changed after I had my son, my hips widened, and I needed a bit more weight on me to not look sick. So over the last few months, i made a goal to gain a little more weight, and now I am about 10 pounds over where I wanted to be.
So, now I am trying to lose that ten pounds, but I kow everyone (including myself) is worried that I am not going to stop losing weight at ten pounds, i am going to continue with anorexia until I am back down to a weight where I hate my body because I am too skinny. I dont know what is wrong with me, but its like the middle of too much weight, and too little weight is just impossible for me to achieve.
Anyways, my head is still pounding, and this computer screen is not helping, goodnight. I will try to do another entry soon.
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