a slap across the face in Nights' Journey

Okaaaayyy , so hii . I never thought I’d be doing this one day but here I am. So, a lot has been going a lot in my life and I think I need someone to talk to or just let this feeling, off my shoulders, without being further invalidated, misunderstood, or judged and of course by keeping unknown. Soo some trauma resurfaced months back and I’m in a very important *year* in my life. It resurfaced and it messed up my studies. I have anxiety and went to a therapist or 2 in my case and well here’s what happened. From my Pov I feel like therapy here isn’t the best? and well here’s why. The first one I went to … sort of forced me to talk about things or not forced, it’s just the conversation felt dragged, and yes, I was depressed, scared and very very very anxious all the time and dealing with awful intrusive thoughts about what happened and what would or wouldn’t. So, when I went I didn’t want to go into details but the fact we sort of spoke about the issue and how she got what was the problem made me very uncomfortable, like I just didn’t want to really reveal most things from the first session. and right away I was diagnosed with OCD, and she gave me antidepressants. I got an alternative version she recommended when I didn’t find the original and the following week was a pure hell, nothing got better, the dose apparently was too high (it was 50 half the 100mg) and I just kept on waking up with panic attacks, I woke up always shaky and nervous and scared, I always vomited for half the day, and I couldn’t eat well. just a complete hell, on the 6th day I decided to stop it and mind you I did tell her, and she told me the symptoms were going to go away and I’ll get better but no I was so close to just ending my life. My body couldn’t take it and I still had another week before our next session, so I just didn’t take the meds and didn’t go to her. Then weeks passed by my body was still reacting with the same fear and shakiness in the morning and all that. I managed to find another therapist …, don’t make fun of me lol she looked scary af but I went to her, and the first session wasn’t bad, she’s easier to talk to compared to the first one but … she talks a lot, she talks a lot more than I felt heard. I let it slide and she gave me another medicine but this time just 10 and we agreed I’ll take it when I’m ready. and doing breathing exercises. It got better I gained some sense of control after I got my reassurance and stuff. Yet, the following session I had a change of heart towards her, I naturally have difficulty talking to people I’m not very used to. and well I mentioned that to her, and she seemed to be shocked, like its only our second session. and then whenever I just wanted to voice out my worries, or any of the things that were a weight on me and bothered me about the whole trauma. she pushed it away, she reassured me, but for some reason I felt like I was being invalidated since I’m worrying about something so far in the future or ahead of my “age”. I didn’t know how to feel, Shes helping for sure but at the same time I felt … like “why someone at her age is speaking of something so big”. I’m in high school btw, not too young nor too old. I mean yes, it’s a bigger worry than my age but I still felt like invalidated, I don’t want to take meds and I do want to reprocess what happened so I can for sure know that that door will be closed. I’m doing CBT yes but again I don’t want to feel like I’m just going to run away from it or ignore it completely, I don’t want to be judged or invalidated. I haven’t told no one about this or they will think I’m complaining. I’m just voicing out my thoughts and worries. Any feedback is also welcomed btw. Thank you so much if you read this far.