On Saturday evening Paul and I went out for dinner with his friends for Amy and Shiner’s birthdays. I got to wear my lovely anchor print dress that I got on ebay (it was a bit on the tight side but it did fit!) and my wedges which were also a bargain ebay purchase from the end of last summer and I hadn’t had a chance to wear then yet so that made me happy! Although I did feel a bit self-conscious because the dress was only just long enough to cover my control pants so I was a bit paranoid of showing them off! Paul looked super handsome as always. He has been doing his shake diet again and has already lost 2 stone!! He was breaking it to go out for the meal though.
We picked Shiner up and met up with everyone else at a bar in Ashley Cross. Amy and her friend Sophie, who was one of her bridesmaids arrived at the same time as us, everyone was sat outside on the decking but there weren’t any seats left near them so I sat with Amy and Sophie a little bit away and had a chat with them, they’re both really nice. Sophie is ridiculously pretty and really skinny with big boobs which I don’t think is fair lol! But it was nice to chat to them and Sophie randomly said that she thinks Paul and I are a lovely couple which was really sweet! Bridie arrived after a bit and joined us, she is super sporty and fit and was telling us about the stand up paddle board aerobics she did with Vicky, one of the other girlfriends. The boys left to go to the restaurant whilst we finished our drinks and when we got there Shiner had decided we should sit boys at one end and girls at the other. I was a bit disappointed because I didn’t really feel like I’d got to spend that much time with Paul this week (even though I saw him on Friday night!) so I was quite looking for to hanging out with him, but all the girls are lovely so it was fine! I definitely feel like the fat ugly one though! They are all really hot and slim and I am the master of comparing myself so although everyone was really lovely and I had a really nice evening I couldn’t help feeling a bit down. We didn’t finish eating until after 11 and then we all headed to another bar. It was absolutely packed and Paul hadn’t been drinking at all so we decided to go home and gave Shiner’s brother a lift to Ferndown as well.
When we got home I was feeling a bit in the mood (probably because I’d had a couple of glasses of wine!) but Paul said that he was too tired and wouldn’t be convinced which left me feeling even more gross after an evening hanging out with gorgeous ladies! When I’m not feeling it he can almost always convince me but if he’s not in the mood I don’t ever really try and convince him because I’m scared of rejection. I must have fallen asleep pretty quickly though! The next morning Paul slept in for ages. I woke up at about 7ish but stayed in bed until about 9. Whenever I do that I always feel rubbish but I never learn! I got up but just bummed around when I should have been productive and started cleaning the flat. Paul got up at about 11 and we started to clean up together but I felt bad because it wasn’t any of his mess! I was in such a horrible mood and I kind of just wanted to get on with it by myself. When Paul gave me a hug I nearly burst in to tears!
I’m not sure why I felt so rubbish, after we started cleaning up I did start to feel a bit better! It was a pretty boring day though, I just got the flat sorted and then got my groceries for the week. Paul did take me to Nandos for lunch to cheer me up and it was SO good, I’m a big Nandos fan! In the evening I went round to mum and dad’s and Beth made us all enchiladas which were delicious! She’s so funny though, she kept fishing for compliments the whole time we were eating!
The beginning of this week hasn’t been too exciting, I’m back to eating healthily and counting calories but I haven’t really done much exercise yet. I’d really love to get down to 11 and a half stone by my birthday because there’s clothes that I want to wear that I’m pretty sure will fit me at that weight. It’s going to be hard to stay healthy around my birthday because I have so much planned but hopefully I can still eat relatively healthy and then get back to properly afterwards! I can’t believe that 11 and a half stone is a weight I’m actually aiming for! I still can’t really believe that I let myself put so much on, it’s really frustrating but I’m trying not to dwell on it too much because I don’t want to put myself off! It’s also really funny that in general I do feel better about myself now because I have lost a little bit of weight, but on the way up I was absolutely miserable that I weighed this much!
Having the flat to myself for the weekend was so lovely but it’s made it worse now that Drew and Robyn are back! Yesterday I had to rinse out Robyn’s bath even though I’ve asked them more than twice to please rinse it down after the get out so that it doesn’t need a full clean every time someone has a bath, I don’t know why it’s so hard!! I was having a little bit of a whinge to Beth about them and she was saying that she can’t believe how little they’re paying. The reason that they are paying so little is because Dad has paid so much towards my mortgage so he’s asked if they could live here without paying towards the mortgage so they just pay towards bills. It’s a bit frustrating though because it feels like I’m not really getting that much compensation for how much I’m putting up with! And the point of them moving in with me was supposed to be do that they could start looking for a place to buy, but they’ve been here for over 6 months now and as far as I know they’ve not looked at anywhere! When we were out with Paul’s friends everyone was asking when we’re going to live together and the plan is that when Drew and Robyn move out that Paul will move in, but I have no idea when that will be!
I don't have any photos really, apart from these that I took before Paul and I left for the meal!
loads of love hat xxx
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