Type entry here… What an effortless way to begin… NOT.
I’ve decided to start journaling because, well, I need somewhere to put my thoughts. Perhaps, this is a last-ditch effort to prove to myself that I don’t need help with a therapist, rehab, or what have you. I just need somewhere to put my collective thoughts.
I have been struggling with perfectionism, low confidence, and people-pleasing. Yes, I know people have real struggles and real strife, but these issues have some effects on my overall well-being. I think my entire world has been conditioned terribly and now I am struggling to find a way out of it. Like, I have these 20+ year habits that are terrible and it is overwhelming to try and break them.
Here’s the other thing. I am pretty sure my brain moves faster than I can process. It sounds weird, I know, but I have so many thoughts all the time. When I text people, I know it’s annoying because it’s like seven texts at once and usually I’m having two different conversations. I literally go on tangents and people are like… what? huh? insert thought here?
Now the honesty and this is why I came here…
I am not comfortable socializing with people without alcohol. I know that sounds totally alcoholic and maybe it is. Unfortunately, alcohol has some terrible and adverse effects, which I am aware of, so we can move past that.
I need to reduce drinking wine. Wine is my issue, not alcohol, I should say. I keep vodka (usually for pasta sauce) and the like around, and it’s whatever. But if there is wine around, I will drink it. Without FAIL. G is getting annoyed with my wine intake. And he has every reason to be. (G is my fiancé and I will prob chat more on him later because wedding planning is a BITCH).
Well, it has become a nightly habit to drink wine with dinner (and before and after). Just like how I depend on my iPad to watch trashy reality TV while I prep. I wouldn’t include the word trashy but let’s face it, that is what the genre kind of is. It is a habit I need to change, the wine - not the tv shows, well? I am going to try and start that tonight. But let me just proceed to finish off the wine I have in the apartment first. Ugh. See? That’s the problem. Failure. Tomorrow.
Edit on 3/22 to add Video.
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