ikissed my friends boyfriend in diary

i found two new friends in the last two months and I was so happy I met them and everything was so easy anduncomplicated. I liked both of them, and I also felt flirty with both of them and they were flirting with me too all the time. They are not yet in an relatioship cause they recently started dating again after not seing each other for 7 years. But they seemed like a perfect match. Lately I felt really lonely (which is stupid, because I have friends here. but I am new in the city and everybody has their friend circle and I am just like a visitor, also all my friends are in relationships and I never really had that) I can say that until this happening I didn’t do anything so stupid or hurtful to anyoneo we talked about it later and making fun of how we acted like we were teenager. Well the weekend afterwards, she was not in town and I asked the guy if he was going out. The day before I was crying in front of people because i felt so sad, (that did not happen since forever) and the next day I was the most confident happiest person you can imagine. So I am a bit out of touch with my emeotions at the time. Anyways I got superdrunk that evening and we met at a bar, he was with friends, and I was with friends aswell. Then I just remeber I was dancing and looking for him and then I basically don’t rememebr anything until the point we went home. We were walking and I remember it was only the two of us, and then I went home by myself and the next morning I woke up. I overslept an appointment and was really confused. I got up and saw that I left on the stove (it’s a gas oven) and I checked my phone and therer were messages from him saying, I hope you are okay wiuth the situation, thats really important to me I would like to talk to you tomorrow and then I want to talk to her in person. So I thought oh shit I don’t remember what stupid htings I have done. NOw I feel bad but also I think the only probblem here is, that I have my alcohol consumption not under control and there was no meaning behind this stupid incident. I also wquestion now that I always thought I am a good person but no I am not so sure anymore. I am really confused all the time abd sad and then happy the next and I would liek to just run away and move away frim this city to a place where I can start new and nobody knows me.