Okay, so, everyone has a happy place, right? The place you go to when you need to cry, you want to be alone, you want to read in peace, the place you go to when you're upset and need to escape, etc? Right? Everybody has that, even if it's just a lawn chair in their backyard. Right? I assume so...
Mine has been consistent. Wherever I live, regardless of the quality of the apartment or housing, my "Happy Place" is the bath tub. Probably not totally uncommon among mothers, as it is one of the only places in which we can HOPE to steal some peace and quiet away from the world. Kasin showered with me consistently until he was 18months or so, and then just occasionally until he was about three, and now it's Milo... but if I can't sleep at night, if I feel sick or I'm upset, I soak in the tub.
When I was pregnant with Milo and could never sleep for more than four hours or so at a time, I would wake up around midnight each night and go soak in the bath tub. When I brought Milo home from the hospital, and he was a crying, shrieking mess (uhm, okay, WAS is a liberal term...) I would just remind myself that when Ross got home from work, I could take a shower. I can let it all go in the shower. If I can just get a shower, I can keep trudging through my life. If I can just wash my hair...
I think part of it is to do with my chronic back issues... the hot water and the pressure of the shower head on my muscles in a good physical release. When I was 15 and the dog I'd had since I was 3 died, I sobbed hysterically in my shower for hours. When I found out Corey was having some sort of bizarre internet-affair via MySpace, I cried in the shower. When I cheated on Corey with Jared, I came home and had a complete panic attack in the shower, even though no one was home. When I was in 9th grade and was convinced that I was fat, I would scrutinize my body in front of the mirror and then revel in it's majesty in the shower each night before bed. I would play the radio in the bathroom and dance like a lunatic, telling myself things like, "It's not so bad, look what it can do."
I've read books there, made phone calls there, seduced boyfriends there, and any time I need a place to hide, that's where I go. Sickness, health, happiness, or sorrow. The Bath Tub is my Happy Place.
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