Its gonna be another lovely day in 40 yr old guy with add trying to make it

I’m not sure how the remainder of this day will go for me. I have mixed opinions. My wife and I have been in a rough spot for going on 20 yrs.. yeah you read that rite. I will explain more in a future post. But I have recently come to the realization that from past trauma she is afraid of so many things. But always covered it up with a smile. But in reality it caused her to be overwhelmed with fear most times and developed what appears to be Cushing disorder. The over production of cortisol. Wich is what you body releases to get you ready to protect yourself. Well she produces it all the time. And it has caused a world of other medical problems. So due to her original trauma she has a fear of letting her self enjoy intimacy. Not that she doesn’t want it. Because if I’m real careful I can get it burnin pretty hot. But… one wrong move, word, look. And it is over shut down you have been evicted. And then she goes into lock down mode for days. So my day started happy and upbeat and excited to be letting some things out for the first time on here. So yeah I woke up a little more “excited” than normal. And went and ruined that.