tldr; HELLO! i’m very unwell mentally (but also fine just chilling) and i need to vomit my thoughts out in prose to even begin to process them
i guess i can start with why i ended up making an account here. (disclaimer: severely mentally ill <3) i really just need to dump my brain out, it’s the only thing that has worked for me in any way. i vomit words on paper throughout the day and that helps, but the phantom feeling that i could be completely out of my mind and unreasonable makes me overthink every word i write so here i am. i don’t have to be a real person, i can be words on a screen. i guess i’m really just looking for reassurance that there are people struggling like me, and people who have struggled this way and gotten better. i’ve been at an absolute all time low for years, just living in filth and not taking care of myself. i grew up with and still suffer from ptsd, anxiety, depression - the usual cocktail someone like myself would be diagnosed with. my house is disgusting, i smell, and i’m just tired. i had a therapist for a brief time and she referred me to a psychiatrist, saying that i had severe cognitive dissonance due to traumas on traumas throughout my 22 years of life so far. in not so many words, she was not equipped to help me with my extra fun mental issues. she said my nervous system is paralyzed, stuck in fight or flight due to nonstop stress and trauma, one after another. i bitch about the trauma too often, i know. i know that bitching will solve nothing and ruminating on everything that has happened to me is not healthy, and it is actively keeping me at the low i am at.
anyways, i will either be brain dumping mindless rants or spewing cliche cheesy fakedeep prose so i can feel like a pained artist
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