p0:00
Kinda OK, just a few things.
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Kinda scared for tomorrow’s 5k, like I feel prepared n everything but they expect me to do something g crazy like 26 and there’s no way.
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I have a hard time with people and relationships, I’m unintentionally distancing myself from the class group by not going to meet ups lately, it’s not like they are noticing or will let me, but this fact that I myself noticed must men some thing.
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Yesterday, father made dinner and asked me to try it, I did not, it made me feel bad again. Just as a new year gift, I’m going to actually reply and everything. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to be a great son or treat him well and I’m still planing on leaving asap or at 18, it’s already to late for me to forgive and forget him. But I’ll try to be more of a dry breeze than a hostile desert typhoon. I’m not expecting this to work at all, in fact my intuition is already telli g me as a fact that I’ll regret it, but I don’t remember the last time I gave him a chance so I’m a give him one now. The moment he fucks up, I become colder and more violent lent than an artic storm.
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Like I kinda feel better w my ovdy shape but I still want it to look “better” so I plan on losing a kilo or so this week. I never actually got scars from sh but everytime I see myself in the mirror I do feel like my whole body is a scar on itself, I can’t explain it but it’s there and it might be the reason why I never feel comfortable with it the fist place.
Brief list on things I wanna do/learn:
A lot of typology (B told me today he’ll prolly get more I to it and it was a huge motivation)
Tarot, hand reading and esoterism.
Any martial art and physical firm improvement (I do it already on gym nights)
Hopefully 2 or more languages (I’ll get more w Japanese and try to review French)
If I can, and just as an extra, learn some guitar.
I’m not feeling too good lately but it’s definitely not my worst time at all. I do laugh a lot and have fun with everyday things more. I might be, at least temporarily, getting better.
I still crave and miss love. This will prolly get worse when we go back to classes and I start swing B everyday. I need emotional help but if I can’t get a psychologist I need deep friends or even a partner, tho I’m not prepared for those things so I don’t look for them.
p0:13
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